I blame it on PMS.
I blame it on my heart.
I blame it on my mind.
I just wished blaming it on anything or anybody would make things alright.
But it doesn't. It won't.
What's really on my mind right now? I'm not even sure. My heart is breaking. I am breaking my own heart by loving him. I can not believe I actually fell for him. And I can not believe no matter how I told myself to stop and just let it all go, I still couldn't let him go. Tanga, right? I know what he wants from me. And I still hold on to him like a kid holding a balloon too afraid that it'd fly.
I know there are men out there that are better than him. He's just a boy. I need a man. But why can't I just let him go just like that? Oh right, Love. EFFIN LOVE.
Someone once said that everything happens for a reason. I was too naive to let myself believe that. I still am.
Someone also said that when it comes to loving, give it your all, risk it all for the sake of loving. Because if you love a person, you'd do anything for them and no matter what happens, it'd always be worth every tear, every heartbreak even if it doesn't work out in the end. They said LOVE is worth it all.
I know that a few days, a few months, a few years from now, when I look back, when I have the chance to read this again, I would laugh out loud. Just like how I laughed reading all my old blog posts. I would then realized that a lot has changed in my life and nothing much has changed in me. I would still be the same naive girl I was in high school. The girl who's afraid to get hurt but is still willing to risk it all for love.
Oh, Love.
You always managed to turn my world upside down. And I always let you, thinking that maybe, just maybe this time this is the guy for me.
They said that there are lessons at the end of every little thing that happened to us. So, what's the lesson that I would learn after this madness? How many times do I have to get burned? How long would I endure these mini heart breaks I have every single day? When will this feelings fade?
I want this feeling to stop now. I've decided. It all starts now. I must quit you. I will quit you. I deserve so much better than you.
