Live. Just live.

Today went by so fast that I didn't notice the time so much. I was actually enjoying my training/seminar at the downtown area today. There were only three of us who attended the training without so much as a companion. Everybody had a friend or were with their barkada today. Imagine that. I felt so lonely at the start of the day. As the instructor began, we were already laughing. I thought he was a serious man. He was the funniest without a hint of corniness. I enjoyed every minute of it. Well, there were moments when he would ask questions and although he said that he wouldn't let us explain or whatever, I would hide myself at the back of the person sitting in front of me, like I always do when I do not have any idea what the person in front was saying. haha I am such a coward.

Anyway, it just feels so good to review some of the basic procedures I've learned in college. Come on, not everyone remembers every single step or how a cravat or bandage should be applied. In all honesty, I graduated from Cebu Doctors' University without so much as learning how to make a square knot. Sad, right? BUT. I know how to make one now and I relearned how to apply bandage in almost all the parts of the body. You know, that moment when the instructor was on the first step and then you just remembered everything you learned and you just applied it right then and there without waiting for him to tell everyone the next step, that was EPIC. I felt so smart. And then I tried to release the square knot and boom. it got stuck. Man, that was EPIC, epic FAILURE. haha but my partner was nice enough to turn around and just manually untie it. LOL

And before I knew it, the day was over. Oh how I was scared to go out of the building and walk to the jeepney stop. It's like a 7-minute walk and I am just petrified of the possibility of having my bag snatched again and yes, of crossing the scary pedestrian lanes of Colon St. I don't know but I just get nervous and extra guarded there. I tell you, the downtown area has a LOT of people. You just don't know who to trust really.

As I was walking, I saw women wearing pekpek shorts and (oh there you are camel toes) they were actually sleeping on cardboards on the floor outside of what used to be a cinema. Really? They looked like they were drunk as hell the previous night and just forgot to go home or they didn't earn enough money for taxi or jeepney fare. I also walked past a lot of gay people who are prettier than me (I love my own.) And the depressing part, there were a lot of kids begging for coins or food. Life really is not fair.

So the next time I feel unlucky and ungrateful about everything, maybe I should go downtown and have reality bitch slap me in the face. Yes, there are a lot of people who are wealthier or skinnier or prettier or happier than I am but there are far more people who are poorer, heavier, uglier and sadder than me. And no, I do not have the right to look down on them or even be happy about it but it would help to feel grateful for the things we have and don't. Sure, I have moments when I wanted to have certain things and I'd feel like dying if I wouldn't have them but I wouldn't raise hell. I just wait for the time when I can finally have them. PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE, as they say. And when it comes to things like these, trust me, my patience stretches for miles.

Sometimes people forget to be grateful that they just go on hating everything about themselves and their lives. They tend to forget that even with all the problems or the lack of financial stability or material things, there are still a lot of great things that they should be grateful for.
Life.
Family.
Friends.
Hope.
Love.

And of course, GOD.

I'm no expert at life, I'm still new at this and I guess I will keep on learning, and relearning it as I go on living in this world until the day I will join Steve Jobs, este, my creator. There's no magic formula in everything. I think what we need in this world is hope, faith, love and the ability/capacity to understand why certain things have to happen. I think the failure to understand or even try to understand our situation (the whys) is the reason why we are unhappy. Not having what we want is not the reason why we are unhappy, it's our failure to understand the WHY. As I've said before, there are reasons why things happen and usually we learn the lessons at the end of everything. Just like regret, but that's another thing.

Bottomline, we should try to broaden (or change) our perspective, you'd be surprise of how selfish we people are.

I guess this blog is longer than I intended it to be. I just wanted to blog about my day but with all that I saw today, I can not help but feel grateful of the things I have. Thanksgiving is almost here and again, there are a lot of things that I am thankful for this year.

Life is beautiful if you make it to be.

xo dee

To my Best Man ii

I have a lot of friends. They are like boobs: some are real and there are some who are fake.

I am quite blessed when it comes to friendship. I have maintained quite a number of friends over the years and I am proud to say that we still have some type of communication. I've had a few bestfriends since I was like 3 or 4 although we are not as close before now, we still remained friends. And I have quite a few group of friends that sometimes I find it hard to choose which group I should go out with. Gasto kaayo, trust me. It's not that I'm complaining but my resources are limited. haha

I have my childhood friends, my grade school friends, High school Friends, college friends, Dole/Odh friends, my cousins/friends, and the LA.

Oh no, I'm not complaining that I have a lot of friends. Honestly, I am more than happy to have them in my life. There's nothing more I could wish for than to have these kind of people as my friends.

But as I look back, I realized that there's this one person who I can bring to any laag/party/event without so much as a fuss. Don't you just love to have that kind of friend who blends in and talk to everyone without complaining? That one person that you don't have to entertain all the time? That kind of friend who just arrives at your house unannounced then raids your fridge and disarrange everything in your room and just annoys the hell out of you? I have that one friend and his name is ERIC DEREY YAP BARBETCHO.

To Eric,

For the times that you made me laugh when all I wanted was to cry, for the moments when I needed a friend and you were there, for being with me during the toughest times of my life, for celebrating the joys of being alive with me, for putting up with my nasty temper and sarcastic nature, for the treats you've given me, for the craziest advices I've ever heard, for being REAL, for being who you are and for not pretending to love me, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I am really thankful that in spite of the negative things that we've been through, fights, lies, etc, we still made it through. Our friendship became stronger than ever. I never thought that our relationship could turn out like this. And I couldn't be any happier.

Thank you so much for keeping up with me. You know how I am most of the time. And promise, I'm just glad that you're still there for me bisag I am the craziest person there is with my mood swings. Ikaw ang nagpabilin. I mean, some friends left me because they got fed up with my lovelife. Who does that?

Anyway, I wish you all the best things in life and there's nothing more I want than for you to be truly happy.

You are 24 already. Some say that age is just a number and sure, life is just a word. But whether it's just a number or not, you are still entitled to atleast try to make your life better, more colorful, less dramatic than the one you had when you were 23. I do hope that this time, you'd try to make the right choices and decisions. I really want you NOT to screw up or hurt yourself to the point of breaking down and depression. I want you to think about things before acting on them. I want you not to make the same mistakes over and over again. It's not that nagbuot ko nimo or something but I just want you to be really happy and drama-free. I tell you, life is so much better without stress, drama and the wrong kind of people. Be happy Er! I love and miss you so mucho!!!

and oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY doll!!!

xoxo,

dee

Vintage and Beyond: Ina's handmade pleasures

I saw this head band on Facebook and I just fell in love with it. It's so pretty and classy and I just had to have it. 

 I had these two clips made. I told her what I wanted and then these are just better than I imagined them to be. I was giddy as a school girl when I saw these beauties.

The creator of these hair pieces was my schoolmate in high school and college. And she's just so nice and very accomodating. I was so kulit about my designs and she was just so patient about it. haha

You can check out Ina's creations here.

What's in my bag?

I took these photos many moons ago. I think I was still in Cebu at that time. You know, I get bored so easily and I just do whatever it is that my heart desires. haha I posted these photos in my Tumblr account. But I'm not going to just go on and copy-paste what I blogged in Tumblr, just cause.

Anyway, people would almost always see me with a medium to large-sized bag. Once in a blue moon, I would carry a purse or a small sling bag, even. But it's rare. It's like a big bag or no bag at all. I don't know the real reason behind that but I feel like I just have to bring everything. I guess I'm OC that way. Well, you can't even call that obsessive-compulsive since I am the least tidy person in the whole universe. You should see my room. It's a mess. Well, I call it my organized mess, that's what I tell my parents. Haha Even my brother complains about it. He questions my sexuality/gender, okay, he questions my being a woman. Honestly, my family questions my being a nurse. My things are just all over the place. Nurses are supposed to be tidy. To tell you the truth, I am tidy with myself, just not with my hair and things. And if I do clean things up and arrange them, I would get really OC about it and I would rant about people going through my things and disarrange them.

Enough about that. Let's see what's inside my bag. The things inside my bag have changed over the years. Back in high school, I would just put anything just to have something in my bag so that it won't look anorexic. Yes, people, I'm crazy that way. I guess bringing a bag has to do something with my peace of mind. I also use it to cover my BABY FAT, which is not that baby-looking. 

Right now, these are the constant products in my bag.

 1. Skyflakes and Nescafe. I have ulcer and hyperacidity. If I don't eat anything I tend to get sick. I guess, almost every nurse has either of these conditions and if he/she's lucky, both. Why Skyflakes? Why not bring those sweet treats for instant glucose satisfaction? Well, I tend to get nauseous and crackers have the tendency to absorb excess stomach acids which causes nausea. So, there. And why Nescafe? Well, I love coffee and I am loyal to this particular brand. The flavor just suits me well. I'm not supposed to drink coffee anymore but I can't help myself.

2. Alcohol and Cologne. Actually, I bring two kinds of alcohol. Both the same brand just different bottles. I use Green Cross because the smell is not too strong or too fragrant. Alcohol is a must-have in every nurse's bag. It's like a protocol for nurses to have it. If you don't, people would say the darndest things: "Unsa man ka na nurse ui, wala'y alcohol." (What kind of a nurse are you? You don't even have alcohol.) (Okay, that's not really the translation but it gives the clearer meaning.) Cologne/Body Spray/Body Mist or any liquid that would make you smell great. I don't use perfume because it's too strong for me. I prefer Eau de Toilette. Mostly, I used Victoria's Secret Pure Seduction. I don't usually buy them since I almost always get 2-3 bottles a year. Thank you to the sponsors. Another mist I love is  Bath & Body Works Sweet Pea. I don't just use any fragrance. I have a specific type. I don't want to use those scents that would make me smell like a 60 year-old matron. Really. Women should use scents that are appropriate for their age not just because it's one helluva expensive parfum.

3. Tissue and Umbrella. I won't be caught dead without a tissue in my bag. I have lots of use for this very important paper in my life. I use it to wipe my sweat. I sweat a lot. And by a lot, I mean A LOT. Especially in my facial area. It drips, like water. For the life of me, it's like a leak in the faucet. And if I'm not sweating, I use it to wipe away the EXCESS OIL. I feel like I'm so rich since my face is also rich in OIL. And if I'm not using it to wipe gunk off my face, I use it to wipe urine and shit off my private areas. HAHA. I've never gotten UTI in my entire life, THANK YOU LORD and I don't want to have it in the future. I use tissue all the time. I hate being wet down there and it just smells if you won't wipe off the excess urine. And yes I also pour water after every piss but I also wipe it dry with tissue. The secret of being UTI-free and still using tissue is to wipe it front to back and NOT BACK TO FRONT. Check the principle of Microbiology. The asshole is dirtier than the urinary meatus. I don't need to explain that. I prefer JOY and TISYU. They're soft and when you use them, you won't have fibers all over your face. Umbrella, we all use it to protect ourselves from the harmful rays of the sun. But I use it more so than I can still go home even if it's raining. This cute little thing is a gift from our family in Japan. It's from Forever 21. I've always had cute umbrellas. I used to buy at Watson's, theirs are just so colorful and pretty.

4. Lip gloss, Lip Balm, Inhaler, Comb and Mirror. The FaceShop's Fruit Jelly Tube is what I always use on my lips. It gives them a light tint and it tastes good. Do you know what's the best thing I love about this product? It's very affordable. I bought it for only Php150. Imagine that! Another lip product I use is EOS lip balm. I sometimes have chapped lips and using glosses or lipstick can aggravate the condition so I use EOS lip balm in Summer fruit to soothe the dryness of my puckers. It's actually very cheap in the states, less than USD5 each and since I got mine online here in the Philippines, I got it around Php250. A bit expensive but I didn't mind paying the extra pesoseseses. Who wouldn't recognize the infamous Five Cranes? As I got older, I get dizzy/nauseous very easily, especially when traveling. This is my travel BFF. This comb, I got since college. It's helps me have that clean look my university required. Ain't that a pretty mirror? I got that from my sister-in-law. That was like her mom's pasalubong for her from Japan. One night, she was drunk as hell, she gave it to me. I love Japan and I love geishas. And most of all, I love mirrors.

On to another set of photos.
5. Ampules and syringes. NO, I AM NOT AN ADDICT. I am just in pain, once in a while. I have gallstones and twice or thrice a year I'd have pain attacks that no amount of oral pain relievers such as Buscopan and Dolcet could alleviate. I would resort to IM injections.

6. Cellphones. Need I say more?
7. Notebook and pen. I don't use these anymore. I'm using another notebook and pen. I lost that notebook and the pen, Germaine lost it. In my previous blog, I said I think a lot. And sometimes, I just have to write them down. I would type them in my ipod but wait, I don't have one anymore.
8. Sunglasses. To protect my peepers from the harmful rays of the sun.

Yellow purse. I used that as my kikay kit. But it was too small for my make-up. I'm using a new one now.
Black purse. Inside that are: Binaca mouth freshener, Vicks Inhaler, a ponytail holder I got since college, a cat ring, some other rings and receipts.
Purple box. Memory Card holder which hold 2 cards. I got this holder at CD-R king for less than Php50.
Yellow coin purse. I got this in Super Metro in Mandaue for like Php20.
Headset and Rosary.

See, I really need a big bag for all my stuff. And I usually bring a 500ml bottle of mineral water with me. So please, don't judge me if I bring a big bag. I don't want to be buying stuff everytime I go to places just because I didn't bring mine with me. It would be just impractical on my part. :D

10 things I don't like about myself

I am the most imperfect person in the world. And yes, like some people, there are a lot of things that I hate don't like about myself. I say don't like because hate is such a strong word.
So last night, before going to sleep, I was tweeting like a maniac hating on about people who have grammar problems. Then I realized that what I did was just too mean. Since words are things that I know I can't take back, I'll just make up for it by making this blog. I'm sorry, by the way, to the people I have offended. It was never my intention to hurt people. I guess I just got irritated by some people who are just too proud about everything in their lives. It's one thing to post about success and all but it's another thing to BRAG about it. I guess it's all up to the person's intentions. Anyway, that's not an excuse either to bad mouth people. I really have some control issues. And bahala na na sila sa ila lives. Mukatawa na lang ko kay these people are just pathetic. (no offense meant.)

Not in order. I just type anything that comes to mind.

THE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MYSELF:

• HITACHI. Himantayon. Tamayan. Chismosa. Although, not to the point that I always do it. But when I do, it's grabe sad, especially when I get irritated or annoyed by the subject. I would continually hate on that person for a period of time. And then I'd get over it and forget about the person. However, this is a chronic disease. There's just no cure for it. I mean, there are a lot of causes such as hate, insecurity or just mere annoyance/irritation. Some people are just annoying, you know.
• IMPATIENT. Oh yes. I think I have the shortest temper in the world. Ha-ha. I really don't like waiting even for 5 minutes. I'd rather be the one waited for/on than doing the waiting. Yes people, Life is unfair. If you let me wait, might as well make me comfortable. There are times that I don't mind waiting especially if the person I'm waiting for is not being crazy about the time or pressuring me to hurry then he's/she's the one who's late. 
• THINK A LOT. I mean A LOT. You see, I have all the time in the world and what better way to spend it than thinking, right? RIGHT. Maybe I should just take half of my thinking time and use it as exercise time, nevermind. Hahaha. I guess thinking is not a bad thing but sometimes all I do is think and there are a lot of useless things that I think about. So that's the thing that I don't like about thinking, the nonsensical stuff. 
• GREATEST PROCRASTINATOR OF ALL TIME. Need I say more? If I wasn't, I would've lost weight by now.
• I JUST DON'T CARE. There are times in my life that I just don't care about a lot of things. Whether it's a thing or a person or a situation. So when I say I don't care, please don't force me to care. Ana lang. Clue: Mao ba? When I say that, that means I don't care that much. But not all the time though. Trust me, I would try to care but if I don't want to, I won't jud. Especially if your problem is just so petty, the next best thing to happen is for me to ignore it. 
• IGNORE/AVOID. Oh yes. I'm guilty of these immature ways of dealing with things. I ignore people I'm mad at and avoid them at all times until I'm free of the anger I'm feeling for that person. It would last an hour and I think the longest was months. I do that to avoid any more fights or exchange of hurtful words. I don't believe in hurting people through words. It's unnecessary. I'd rather that person realizes his mistakes on his own. And of course, I'd appreciate an apology. By the way, I just don't get mad for no reason. There's always a reason. There HAS to be a reason. I am not all that crazy. 
• BLUNT. There are times when frankness is appreciated and sometimes I am oblivious to those times. I just go out there and say it. Without a care in the world and its feelings. There was a time when I thought my mother dear would strangle me because I told her that if her people didn't need the money, they'd leave her because she's so isog. Boy, was she mad at me. My bluntness is not isolated to this incident.
• MEAN. I am just so mean at times. I say the meanest, most hurtful things if I feel like it. And yes, I regret them when I think about it. I am basically a good person, you know. I just have control issues.
• SARCASTIC. Way before VICE GANDA became famous, I was already sarcastic. So it's not acquired, its natural. As they say, SARCASM is the mind's defense mechanism against STUPIDITY. I learned the artistic way of sarcasm through watching American sitcoms/series. Every show just have the resident sarcastic fellow and I love every character from every favorite show I watch. 

These are examples of my sarcastic lines:

• Ganahan ka pakpakan tika...?
• Ahh, dili, dili...

• TOLERANT. I am way too tolerant with people. More often than not, I tolerate them and their BS.

Trust me, I would come up with sarcastic replies to stupid statements/questions. But I try to control my mouth.

These are just some of the things I don't like about myself. And I do try to control these flaws. But temptation has far more creative ways. I just have to succumb to it. haha 

Yes, I have flaws. I am not perfect. And no, I'm not using my imperfections as excuse for these bad attitudes/characteristics. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, no one in this world is perfect. We all make mistakes, we all have our shortcomings. I think no one has the right to condemn people for their mistakes. And people's mistakes do not define who they are. I guess sometimes people just make the wrong decisions. So I guess, before judging them, maybe we should take a moment and look at ourselves in the mirror. Maybe then we could realize that other people are human beings, too. JUST LIKE US. very much capable of making mistakes. 

xoxo, 

dee

Aren't we all just trying to live this life for the better, if not the best? 

WHY the hell am I SINGLE?

there are a lot of problems in the world bigger than being single. haha 
I think of it as a blessing. I mean, if you are involved with someone, there is the possibility of having problems that would make you sleepless in some nights. there's also the minute possibility that you would have to answer to someone other than your parents. (we dont like it when our parents tell us what to do, and we allow someone not related to us, other than our bosses to?) 
as i've read in your (ERIC) recent entry, you don't know yourself anymore. you feel like a stranger. so here's my very UNSOLICITED advice to you, my friend. try to get to know yourself again. enjoy your being single. pamper yourself. love yourself. be in a relationship with yourself. be secured in your being first before trying to be secured with another human being. because sometimes, just when we thought the problem is outside us, life plays a joke and makes us realize that the problem is within us. we are single because we deserve to be. there's a whole lot of positivities in being single. you don't have to be with someone to be happy. you only have to be yourself and be with yourself. 
and if you really want to be in a relationship, ask yourself, are you in love with the person you're with or are you just in love with the idea of being in love? because you know, there are days that I ask myself the same thing and more often than not, i'd rather be free of the complications of being involved. Again, im not a cynic. im just lazy.


This is my comment to Eric's Status.


Being in a relationship is tiring. Dont get me wrong. Gahd! I want to be in love. I want to date. I want to have a boyfriend and I want to get married. I want my "Happily ever after". But I am not in a hurry. That's why im using . instead of !. I believe that everything has its own place and time, and reason.
I have been single for two whole years now. And I was in a couple of relationships that obviously didnt work out before that. I have moved on, mind you. Am I bitter? No, I am not. If anything, I am better. I took what happened to me, good and bad, and learned from all of them no matter how painful those were. Of course, there were times when I forgot and lost my way. But I tend to drift back to the right direction.
And oh yes, the heartbreaks I felt. The pain. Those sleepless nights. The tears on my pillow. The harsh words of friends. That limbo.
But never in a million years did I think that I wouldn't get over that one person I thought I would love for the rest of my life.
Sure, the pain felt like it would never go away and that my heart would take forever to heal. But I never thought that I wouldn't get over them. I knew I would get over them. But I also knew that it would take time. I felt the pain to the point of enjoyment. As Shakespeare once said, 

"FEEL THE PAIN til it hurts no more."

Feel the pain. And then slowly detach yourself. I learned the art of detachment thanks to Mitch Albom. See, we can learn a lot through reading and application.
Anyway, to clear things up (I am forever clearing myself up because people tend to misunderstand/misunderstood me) my past experiences, rather my past relationships, the parts where they failed and hurt like crazy, played a role in my being single. hmmm. But not for the reasons you think. I am in no way traumatized. As I've said, I learned a lot from them. Hagooy. I am drifting again. Im not blogging about heartbreaks and overcoming them. Im supposed to be blogging about being single. Agidaaaaao.
So Im stopping this na.
Being single gives you a lot of time. And by a lot of time, I mean 24 hours all to yourself. So what can one normal human being do with that? let me give you a breakdown.

• 6-8hours of sleep.
• 8 hours of work
• 1 1/2-3 hours of mealtime(30 minutes to 1 hour/meal)
• 30minutes-1 hour of travel time
• 2 hours of Facebook/Twitter/Blog
• 3 hours of tv/movie

This is give and take 24 hours. And of course, you can add in Gym, shopping, et cetera.

As for me, I spend about:

• 7 hours on sleep everyday
• 1 1/2 hour of mealtime
• 6hours of baby duty. 
• and the remaining 10 hours, I spend online or in front of the television.

No wonder I gained a lot the past 2 weeks. Maybe I should take an hour for exercise. Nah. I AM NOT MAKING ANY SENSE. NAWALA NA JUD KO SA TOPIC.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's really up to all of us, how to live our lives. how we choose to see things. or how we choose to feel.
Everyday, we are given a chance to live our lives according to our preference. God gave us one of the greatest gifts, the gift of CHOICE.
In every second of our life, we are given a choice.
Whether you are single, married, taken or taken for granted, you must remember that every second of every day, we are given the choice to be happy. You just have to decide on it.
Life never demanded a romantic partner for one to be at his/her happiest. Life only demanded us to live.
I am single. And I am happy. I am not at my happiest though. Most days I am okay. I'm just glad that I have friends and family who are happy enough to have me. Yes, I have goals, dreams and plans, like most people do. I will act on it in God's perfect time. As for now, I have another purpose. As I've said, things happen for a reason. People come and go. Basically everything has a reason. It's up to us how to see things.
As for me, as much as possible, I try to see things positively. I try to see the glass as half-full. NOT HALF-EMPTY.
I guess the problem is not really being single.
SO why the hell am I single? I don't know. Maybe because I haven't met that one person that's worth the risk. I'm not saying I'm waiting for the ONE. all im saying is that, I haven't met the person that's worth the risk of getting hurt. I just haven't met the person worthy enough for me to dress up and get out of the house for. In short, I haven't met someone that Im gaga about. Another thing, feel nako wala pa koy right maglovelife ron kay i am unemployed. Ohoooy! EPIPHANY: I am not in a relationship now because I choose not to be. I have plans and I don't want some things to hinder me from realizing them. In other words: I don't want my happiness to be in the way of my would-be success. I want to have a stable job, money in the bank, properties before having a relationship. And yes, to avoid the complications of a long distance relationship.


BOTTOMLINE:
Happiness is a matter of perspective. Change the way you see things and you'll be happy and contented.
Being single is not all that bad. there are productive ways. and ayaw sad pagdali because in time, you will be involved and diba, you just want to enjoy that moment with him/her? So when the time comes na naa nakay uyab, you won't feel like nasasakal kung obsessive-possessive siya because nag enjoy kas imo pagka single before.


think of being single as a blessing. SINGLE-BLESSEDNESS. also, think of it as a preparation. prepare yourself for the possibility of everything.


mura gud ug preschool bah. murag prerequisite. Like PolSci for law and nursing/BS Bio/PT for medicine.


Let things unfold in their own time.


That's the beauty of life. So enjoy it. Enjoy what you have. Nothing is permanent in this world. the time will come that it will be taken away from you, atleast you enjoyed it.


Muabot ra ang time na dili naka ma-single. For the meantime, enjoy being one. IT'S NOT PERMANENT. NOTHING IS.


always choose to be happy. rather be single than in a shitty relationship. we deserve better. let's not settle on something less than what we want/need/deserve.


Celebrate. others are stuck in relationships they don't want to be in. :D

The Miracle of Life

October 2, 2011 6:00 am-7:25 pm

We were anxiously waiting for Espee to safely deliver her second baby, Gabrielle Elizabeth. She had been unknowingly on labor since Saturday afternoon. It was when she had her bloody show early morning last Sunday that we brought her to the hospital. Without a doubt, everyone was as excited as I was but no one was as nervous as me. I have witnessed a lot of deliveries, whether NSVD or CS. I have also watched women in labor who were supposed to deliver normally but at the last minute something went wrong that they had no choice but to have a C-Section. But I never showed my worries instead I silently prayed for everything to go smoothly and without complications. I urged Germaine to pray for her mom as well. I have always believed that there's strength in numbers, that's why I sent a group message to my cousins asking them to pray for her safe delivery. 

God heeded our prayers. 7:26 pm, Espee delivered a baby girl via NSVD. Imagine my relief. NSVD. I could feel my tears welling up in my eyes and I tried so hard not to cry because Glenn was not even crying. Those were tears of joy. The same tears I shed when Gayle delivered Riley. And I am just so happy that both of them are out of danger and healthy. I felt like a big weight on my shoulders were lifted. I felt like I could breathe again. I remained calm outside but I was jumping for joy inside!

Having a VBAC is risky. There are complications. Through her determination and preparation, she was able to have it successfully and I really admire her for that. I could never do that. I would just simply submit myself to another CS because I'm scared I might screw things up. I am the worst nurse there is. I'm a great nurse for other people but when it comes to myself, I, I, I.... just don't do well with myself. I guess it comes with the knowledge that I have gained when I studied Nursing. Being aware has its downside, too, you know. 

Four days after her birth, 2 days after Espee was discharged, Baby Gab is still at the hospital undergoing antibiotic therapy due to meconium staining. But she's set to go home tomorrow and everybody is just so excited to welcome her home. I, on the other hand, have reservations. I am currently on antibiotic therapy, too, since I have cough and colds for over a week now. And I don't want her to contract  whatever bacteria/virus I have. Prevention has always been better than cure. So I guess I just have to stay away for awhile. I don't want to be blamed if something happens to her.

Anyway, this is Baby GAB. Isn't she an angel?

xoxo,

dee