This was written in my notebook on my way home to Leyte aboard Weesam Express last May 4, 2011.
There's something about traveling alone that makes me melancholic. It somehow switches on the think hard/reflection button in me.
These days, I have forced myself to do some other things but think.
Not thinking spares me from feeling.
it's not healthy, I know. But that's how I cope.
I am dealing with so much right now that I can not possible deal with them altogether now, can I?
*In dealing with loss
Death has always been painful to those who are left behind. Untimely death of a loved one brings about a kind of pain that never really eases with time. This may hold true for some time, for how long, I'm not sure. But for now, the pain is greater than any other pain I've ever felt. And there's no sign of it of ever getting weak.
Each and everyday, I would think of her, of how unjust and cruel her death was. And every time I feel my heart breaking, like someone's hitting it with a whip.
The pain is sometimes unbearable.
And then I look at Nanay and see how she struggles to live each day with the fact that Nang Inday is gone. Seeing her cry in anguish and deep sorrow crushes my heart. As much as I want to hold her and tell it's going to be fine, I couldn't. Because it's not fine. And it will never be. The deaths of those scumbags would never ease our pain, replace our loss and most of all, bring her back to life.
The pain of her death is of paramount degree. And I don't know how long we would live in it.
but life has to go on. No matter how much pain we face everyday.
I've read somewhere that every time we go through something difficult, something bad, or something painful and we feel like giving up, losing faith and hope, we have to keep ion mind that someone, somewhere has it worse than us.
Don't get me wrong, i don't take any consolation on other people's pain and loss. I guess what I'm trying to say is that pain, loss and all those negati8ve things have to happen to us, to make us strong, to make us better persons.
The road to recovery was never easy.
Believe me, I know.
Does the pain ever go away?
Or do we just learn to live with it?
