I think of you

Have you ever experienced being in bed in the wee hours, wide awake with your thoughts all over the place?

I could not remember the last time that did not happen to me because the past four months have been just that.

I guess that usually happens when someone becomes special to you.

I have been sleeping so late in the past months that I already forgot how good it feels to sleep early. But when I finally do, I guess I'd be over him na. Would I want that, for him to be out of my life? Is that what I really want?

I am not so sure.

You see, I've been crazy the past months. ha-ha. Crazy is an understatement, I tell you.

It's not so much as ignoring but I've been pretending that I don't care anymore when I actually do. And every night, he's all I think about. Sometimes I wonder if he ever thinks about me as much as I do. I know that I cross his mind, but how often? haha Crazy, right?

Liking someone did not require that someone to fall for me. haha Right?

But what if he made me fall for him? With all his sweet words, stolen kisses, and those eyes?

And even if I now know that he's just playing me, I still come back running to him every single time that we're together? I am so sick of eating my own words. When will I gather the courage to let him go?

Because when I am not with him I can do it. But when I am with him, I seem not to care that he's got a couple or more girls that he's been texting, chatting or whatever.

And when I see something on Facebook, it just breaks my heart. Every. Single. Time.

When I see him, I can feel my heart reaching out to him. Seriously. I can feel myself wanting to feel him, to just make him hold me. Even just for a night.

I am breaking my rules, talking about it, my vulnerabilities.

I just was not sure if I could hold this in any longer.

I just need to get this out, the pain, the heartbreak, the tears.

I need to get rid of the tears to make me feel better.

Somehow crying makes me feel better.

It's like seeing the world with new eyes through a mantle of tears.

As I've read in twitter:

"A couple years from now, you won’t remember the pain. You’ll remember the memories."

Could I just fast forward to a couple of years from now?