When the heart breaks

I don't quite understand how I feel.

I can't even begin to describe the pain I'm feeling right now.

I feel like I couldn't breathe.

I feel like puking.

I don't feel like crying.

I don't feel like drinking.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to act.

I don't know how to pretend that I'm not hurting.

There's something in my chest.

Pain? Im not so sure how to describe it.

It hurts.

There are butterflies in my stomach, I still feel like puking.

but my eyes refuse to cry.

Maybe then this heartbreak is what I just need to stop this madness that has been long overdue.

I knew that yellow shirt marked the end of what we had.

Now, I know that have nothing to hope for. I can move on and go on with my life without looking back.

Whatever happens in Oz.

Wherever life may take me, I know, I wont have regrets and confusing choices because the love that I've been holding onto has finally made me see the truth.

It is just not meant to be.

And I finally accepted that now.

Monday, was goodbye.

The end of what we had.

My heart is not completely broken. It is breaking so slowly and this will go on for days, weeks, months....

until someone comes along and unbreaks it.

I still hope for that day.

I hope that day would come before I would decide to do something that is against what I believed in, dreamt about, hoped and wished for.

I still believe in love after everything I've been through.

I hope you are happy and I hope you'd stay that way with her.

This isn't goodbye to us, but it's goodbye to what could have been us.

There's still friendship.

See you when I see you, JMM.