So, I'm turning 25

I will be turning the big 25 in a couple of weeks and to tell you honestly, I have no idea what to do. I was in my intensive review earlier today when all of a sudden, I stopped listening to the cd that was playing and just started scribbling notes on a scratch paper. As a result, I had no idea what the answers were for that listening module we just had. I have problems with attention. No, I don't have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). I was just a little preoccupied with a few things in my life or mind right now. The same thing happened during my Reading test. I am hopeless.

When my review ended, it was drizzling, still I decided to walk all the way to Robinson's and ride the jeep from there. It's always when I'm walking along the busy streets of Cebu and not in the comforts of the house I am currently living in that my mind goes on blogging/journal/diary mode. It's like a switch has been turned on and words would flow freely in my brain waiting to be typed into my blogs. Everytime I am inside the jeep or bus or any type of transportation, my mind works. I tried to retain everything that went through my brain, tried not to forget the people I saw, places I've seen, emotions I felt. More often  than not, I would forget, leaving a feeling of loss, the loss of what was supposed to be a wonderful observation/event/realization. 

So, I am turning 25. I have yet to do something utterly remarkable in my life. Some might say that I already have.

Like what? I asked.

They'd say that I :

• finished college
• passed the board exams
• did some charity works
• have done with the corporal works of mercy
• did some of the spiritual works of mercy
• experienced a few things
• et cetera, et cetera, et cetera

Graduating was so 2008 and passing the NLE has an expiration date and mine had passed. We can't always rely on the things we did to add meaning to our life. For me, we should always find ways to add MORE meaning into it. 

Yes, I am such a freaking failure for not being able to find a stable job and it has been four freaking years since graduation. And yes, some of my batch mates have gone to the places where the pasture is greener. BUT, no matter what they say, I still do not have regrets why my life has turned out the way it did. 

I enjoyed my life. I spent time with my loved ones (friends and family), discovered new places, tried new things, made mistakes and learned from them.

We all have different views in life. We all lead dissimilar lives. What may be fitting to others may not be for us.

The past eight years or so, I struggled to understand people, their actions and thoughts. I am continually amazed by the inconsistency of their words and actions, especially the lies and pretensions. In my attempt to understand them, I tried to picture myself in their situation: what would I do? What would I say? How would I react? Then the more pressing questions: What SHOULD I do? What SHOULD I say? How SHOULD I react?

Then I realized that there are a lot of factors affecting the way we live, socialize and deal with people. Society dictates how we live our lives. And you know what's sad? WE LET IT.

So I struggled some more. I refused to apply in hospitals, call centers, basically, any job. Some may call this slacking off but I call it living life.

At 17, I started going out with friends in clubs and bars, dancing and drinking the night away. Now, after seven years of partying and drinking here and there, I have come to the point when going out means chilling with friends at McDonald's, Starbucks or Bo's. 

I lived my life with the sole purpose of enjoying everything as they come. I enjoyed night-outs. I drank til I couldn't take it anymore. And I'm not sure if I should bite my tongue or not, but I have reached my limit. Not because I just had an operation but I really think that I experienced most of the things that drunk and party people should experience. Sa Bisaya pa, nag-takas nako.

Of course, I will still go out and party but not as much as I used to. What my parents, relatives, older friends and people told me really holds true. We only understand things at a certain age. 

No, I am not slacking off. In fact, I am doing my best to enjoy life. Maybe you, my friends, have been slacking off because you've been too busy working your asses off and saving moolah that you've forgotten that life isn't always about having the most money or having the best job. Sometimes it's all about dropping what you are doing, taking a deep breath and enjoying the view. 

Oh yeah, maybe you'd think that when will I work my arse off? You'll see. I will, in time. But while I'm still waiting for my turn, I have yet to enjoy life because I just know, when I work, I will work. I wouldn't miss out anymore on the gimmicks, et cetera because I'm done, I've enjoyed that part of my life already.

As one of my close priest friends said, "There is a time for everything. Give everything a room in your life. A room for sleep. A room for fun. A room for work. A room for anything. That way, when you look back in your life, you could say that you lived it the best way you could."

What wise words, right?

So, I'm turning 25. I am not a failure. I am not a success. YET. But I'm pretty sure I will be. IN GOD'S PERFECT TIME. Let's exercise the power of positive thinking and mind over matter. Haha

I hope I was able to share with you a different and crazy perspective about life and life.

Have fun now!

xo,

DEE