What Am I Thankful For?

It's that time of year to be thankful yet again. The past couple of days, I've been racking my brains out, WHAT AM I THANKFUL FOR?

Usually when Thanksgiving comes, I just say "Thank you for everything, Lord!" It's one of those things that I take for granted in my life. But this year I beg to differ.

It has been years since I last celebrated Thanksgiving with my family. It's a different thing, not entirely, from what the people do in the different places that celebrate it too. They gather together over pumpkin pies and stuffed turkey. Ours is celebrated by our whole barangay, a tradition that started the year my father won the elections, that was a decade ago. Although it is celebrated in a modified way, the thought still remains.

Anyway, What Am I Thankful for?
First, I am grateful that I am given this chance to spend this day with the rest of my family and the people in my barangay.

I am also thankful for:

• the events that happened not just this year but the past years as well, be it good or bad, painful or not, happy or sad, big or small. I've been through a lot in college and looking back now, I still can not believe I survive them all.
• the people I met, who came in and out of my life. My childhood friends (some are married and with Kids already), high school friends, college friends, the people I met and became friends with in my review, in my few travels, in my time in ODH as a volunteer and as a Dole trainee, everyone, even in the briefest of times, who became a part of my life, significant or not. They contributed to everything that I learned and experienced in my life.
• the "loves" that I gained and lost. Without them, I never would've learned how it was to love and be loved, to care and be cared for. I would never have experienced extreme happiness and extreme sadness, how it felt to need and be needed by someone, how it felt to be scared of losing them and how it felt when your heart is breaking into millions of pieces and everything that came with loving someone a little too much. Nevertheless there were lots of lessons learned and I could never be thankful enough.
• Family and Friends who never left my side, who were there every single step of the way, who were my cheerleaders when I was down, times of weakness and happiness and everything in between. And for their extraordinary patience, understanding, the happy memories, the sad ones, the unforgettable ones. For everything that they've done for me, just to see me happy.
• Passing the NLE. Need I say more?!
• The gift of life. That I am living a comfortable life. I may not have everything I want but I have just what I need to go through it. I am just grateful that I have experienced how it was to have less and to have more. This gave me a better understanding of everything. I am also glad that I have enough to share to those who have less. That it's me who's doing the sharing and not the other way around.
  
• the lessons I learned, the chances that I was given and the experiences I had in my entire life.
• to GOD for being who and what He is.

Everything and everyone in my life, significant or not, helped me in becoming who and what I am today. Thank you.
There are a million and a half of things that I am thankful for. Some I've forgotten already. I can not possibly put everything here so..
This is the part where I say:
"Thank you for everything, Lord!!!"

on things

i ahve a lot to say. but the problem is that i dont know where to start. i need a lot of time to rethink and edit what i have to say. gah. i hate bored people.

Ang Puno't dulo ng Pag-ibig

Ang Puno't dulo ng Pag-ibig

Nakakatawa talaga ang love. Isa siyang napakalaking oxymoron. Lahat ng pwede mong masabi sa kanya, baliktarin mo at totoo pa rin.

Ang labo diba? Pero ang linaw. Masaya magmahal. Malungkot magmahal. Di mo naiintindihan pero naiintindihan mo. Walang rason. Maraming rason. Di mo na kaya, pero kaya mo pa rin. Masakit magmahal. Pero okey lang.

Leche, ano ba talaga?! May kaibigan ako, sabi niya dati “Love is only for stupid people.” Nakakatawa kasi seryoso ang pagkasabi niya, pero dumating ang panahon, na-in-love din ang hunghang. At ayun, tanga na siya ngayon. Lahat kasi ng nahahawakan ng love nagiging oxymoron din. O kaya paminsan, nagiging moron lang.

Hindi lang kasi basta baliktaran ang pag-ibig. Lahat ng bagay nababaligtad din niya. Lahat ng malalakas na tao, humihina. Ang mayayabang, nagpapakumbaba. Ang mga walang pakialam, nagiging ala Mother Teresa. Ang mga henyo, nauubusan ng sagot. Ang malulungkot, sumasaya. Ang matitigas, lumalambot. (At tumitigas din ang mga bagay na madalas nama’y malambot.) Nakakatawa talaga. Lalo na kapag dumadating siya sa mga taong ayaw na talaga magmahal. Napansin ko nga eh. Parang kung gusto mo lang ma-in- love ulit, sabihin mo lang ang magic words na “Ayoko na ma-inlove!” biglang WACHA! Ayan na siya. Nang-aasar. Magpapaasar ka naman.

Di ba nakakatawa rin na pagdating sa problema ng ibang tao, ang galing galing mo? Pero ‘pag problema mo na yung pinag-uusapan parang nawawalan ng saysay lahat ng ipinayo mo dun sa namomroblemang tao? Naiisip mong wala namang mali dun sa mga sinabi mo. Pero bakit parang wala ring tama? Bali-baliktad din ang nasasabi ng mga taong tinamaan ng madugong pana ng pag-ibig. “Ngayon ko lang nalaman ganito pala. Sabi ko na eh!” “Ang sarap mabuhay. Pwede na ‘ko mamatay. Now na!”

At hindi lang ‘yon. Ang sarap din pagtawanan ng mga taong alam naman nilang masasaktan lang sila eh magpapatihulog pa rin sa bangin ng pag-ibig. Tapos ‘pag luray-luray na yung puso nila, siyempre hindi sila yung may kasalanan. Siya! “Bakit niya ‘ko sinaktan?” May kasama pang pagsuntok sa pader yon at pagbabagsak ng pinto. Hayop talaga.

Mauubos ang buong magdamag ko kakasabi ng mga bagay na nakakatawa ‘pag pag-ibig na ang pinag-usapan. Ang daming beses ko na kasi siya nakasalubong kaya masasabi ko nang eksperto na ‘ko. Pero wala pa rin akong alam.

Pero ang pinakanakakatawa sa lahat ay ang katotohanang kapag gusto magpatawa ng pag-ibig, ipusta na mo na lahat ng ari-arian mo dahil siguradong ikaw ang punchline. Nakakatawa no?

Nakakaiyak.
Pero masarap pa rin ma-in love.

Thankz to:
http://nixxielove.wordpress.com/2007/09/25/ang-punot-dulo-ng-pag-ibig/

I remember Icon showing us a copy of this back in High School. Of course, we were too young back then to actually fully understand what the author was trying to say. Now, 5-6 years have passed, I perfectly understand what the author meant. And he is soooo right. Dang. Knowing a lot of things about love and experiencing them firsthand is still not enough. It doesn't matter how many times we get hurt. It doesn't matter how many times guys fool us or lie to us and break our hearts. We still long for love. We still wish for love to come knocking at our doors. After all the heartaches and pain and rejection, we still want love.
dang love.

Random thoughts

(more on thoughts on letting go)

• When something hurts, you have to let it go. Like holding something hot, we immediately let it go because it hurts. But if it's a person that's hurting us, when is the right time to let him go?


• When someone wants to move on, you have to let him/her go.


• Maybe he needed me to let him go.


• Why is it so hard to let go of someone you love? Even if the love you have for him is less than before?


• When is enough enough?!


• Nakakatawa ang love. I remember reading these things someone said about love being an oxymoron. Ang Puno't dulo ng Pag-ibig. It's funny. and it's true. It makes you reflect on the crazy things you do for love.


• Friends will always, ALWAYS be there for you after some jerk breaks your heart. And they will do things just to make you smile and laugh.


• As Icon said, "people will hurt you, and keep on hurting you, if you allow them to hurt you." In my case, that's what I always do, I let people hurt me. And most of the time, I don't know when to tell them stop. Dang. I am a Masochist. Maybe, just maybe its time for me to step up and fight for...me.

Que sera, sera

I heard mass this morning and I like what our priest said at the end of his Homily. It was an anecdote.
" There was this teenager who called Jesus and asked him for a cross to carry. Jesus took him to a store and bought him one. After a day, the kid realized that the cross Jesus bought him was too heavy for him. So he called Him and asked to have his crossed exchanged for a better one. They met up at the store again and Jesus let him choose the cross that fits him. He started looking at the crosses.. After a few minutes, he found the cross that he thought is perfect for him. He told Jesus and He bought it for him. They went out of the store and the kid thanked Him for buying him another cross. Jesus then told him that it was the same cross He chose for him."

------
My life.
Que sera, sera..
Whatever will be, wil be..
the future's not ours to see..
Que sera, sera..
------
I found some of the answers to my questions. Some hurt. Some didn't satisfy me.
------
I feel like im losing my grip on my life. I want to take control but somehow I couldn't. I just feel so helpless. Being pulled by the current. I feel like Im drowning.

But he did...

for days I've waited for him to call. Now that he did, i wished he didn't. It's not that I gave up on him. I just came to accept the possibility that he may never call.
but he did.
And now I feel like i just ingested a lot of sleeping pills that left me dazed and lethargic. I am so confused right now. The past days he was good as gone. and life didn't end without him. It sucked, it hurt. But it didn't end.
Im not sure about what I want right now. SHould I continue?
OR should I just end things with him?
If i do choose the former, I know that there'd be a greater pain ahead. there would be trials chuvaness. But i also know that i'd be happy. But would that happiness be enough to take the risk again?
I guess there's only one way to find out.
but i need time to think pa.
*ENLIGHTENMENT.

Out of sight. Out of Touch.

Written on the 18th of July, 2009

I took one big risk tiwce. And it's funny how I couldn't seem to take one risk that would show the slightest emotional interest.
He asked me and I didn't really find it difficult to answer with honesty. (Why do I like him?)
But telling him or texting him feels like betraying myself and everything I gained and learned the past months.
I had more than a year to think about what I want and more than a year to enjoy the company of friends and family. i was so happy and yes, there were points during those times that I wished I had someone special with me.
HOwever I didn't have the courage to risk personal and emotional security for something that is uncertain.
Yes I am a coward. And I can't do anything about it. Ell, maybe this is a lie.
I am scared of falling for someone and risking getting hurt again. I know getting hurt is part of life. But I'd rather avoid it than face it.
I am contented with what I have riht now. Security and myself intact.
But why am I longing for him? For him not to leave and jsut stay? From the start I told myself that I shouldn't let this "thing" get out of hand and be more that what I wanted it to be. Somehow it has reached the margins of the boundary I had set it in.
And I am in the verge of losing myself over someone that is passing.
I am confused as hell.
I've been telling myself to get a grip and let things go or detach mself from everything after he's gone.
A part of me couldnt wait for him to leave so that I could go on with my life. But another part of me wishes and prays for him to extend his stay/
I am truly losing my senses right now.
Can't eat. Can't sleep. Can't concentrate.

6:33pm
When he leaves, I will become one of those girls who came and went out of his life. I was willing to take that risk. Now that i've given it some thought, I don't want to be one of them. I want to stand out. But I am too much of a coward to do anything. Instead I hide and act as if I'm not affected at all. (What might have been, What could have been.)
I guess I just have to see where everything would lead us. Or myself.
I hope I'd find what I need, want and deserve after evrything I went through.

I get pleasure from my source of pain.

After dinner.

When he leaves, I may never see him again. Should I take the risk? or just let things be and see where things would lead us in a year?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Answers.
I bit the bullet and took the chance. Risking my security and sanity for the guy I fell in love with, still in love with. He made me happy like any boyfriend should. We had a month of a long distance relationship. WE text and call every night. He was worth every single sleepless night I had the past couple of months. He was worth every lie i said. There were times when calling and texting weren't enough for us. Frustration sometimes kicked us to the curb. But then we had the chance to see each other again. ANd I was willing to risk another 5days of my work time for him. i just miss him so and its only right to see him dba?
And we did. We were so happy. We did the things we talked about on the phone. We ate out. We partied. We spent time together. WE were so happy. But then I had to leave. ANd things started to change. And he disappeared. Out of sight. Out of Touch.
And here I am, confused and hurt. A lot of mind boggling questions racks my brain to exhaustion. but i still couldn't sleep.

I say, bye LOVE-LOVE. for now.

Til Im ready.

when?
I have no clue.

thoughts

on love-love:
sometimes there is pain in loving.
and just when you are so sure about how you feel, he makes you feel that he isn't.
(He's not that into you, or hes too busy having fun to think about you. boo-hoo)
I am in love with him. He told me feels the same way. It was the other way around actually. What happened to me last year or almost a couple of years ago had left a teeny bit of fear in me. the fear of getting hurt and having my heart broken into tiny pieces. I told him that. He got curious about it. And after everything that has happened, he still wanted to be with me.
I never asked for someone to love. I never prayed for anyone special to come into my life. But as fate would have it, someone turned my world around and it has never turned the same way again. Sure i was scared. I thought about my decision every single moment of each day. And I decided to risk what I had regained during my "singlehood". it was a huge sacrifice for me considering that I was happy where I was before he popped the question. And i said to myself, "Why not take the risk? WHo knows... "
AS usual, I was leaving everything to dear ol' FATE. Trying to see where everything will lead us. Go with the flow. However way you put it.
Is that such a mistake?
I thought about things. Really.
I was even open to the posibility that we won't last.
Sure I love him but it doesn't necessarily mean that we'd end up together.

"If we're meant to be, then we're meant to be."
"and if we're not, then we're not...."

Only Krishna knows the answer to this one.

why is it when we love someone, we always feel rejected if he wont text. Or we feel rejected, taken for granted the moment we feel that he doesn't care at all.

Would you believe someone if he says I love you so much and I miss you and his actions tell you otherwise?

Im almost done understanding and being patient.

im on the verge of quitting..

but i dont know why im still holding on.

MArtyr genes, I loathe you!

I.T.I.I.L.

I am happy. Words aren't enough to explain how I truly truly feel. And I hope this nice feeling would last. And I hope nobody would burst my little happiness bubble. Haters included. peace out girly.. hehe

xoxo
loidee

(honey)

After a long absence

It has been a month since I last blogged. And a lot has happened since then. I don't even know where to start. From MJ's and Farrah's death, our Fiesta and my days spent in the hospital. I couldn't keep track anymore. I've neglected my 365days project but I haven't really stopped taking pictures. I've been too engrossed with my duty and all. I was having fun until I learned and experienced the joys of not being on duty. this is my 4th absence already.

• Anyway the world is still mourning for the KING of POP. I still haven't grasp the fact that he is gone. I am a fan. Ever since I was a kid I've been listening to his songs. His songs gave me strength and inspiration when I didn't have any. May he rest in peace.
• I used to have a crush on this doctor at the hospital where I am working. I used to go on 16hour duty just to see him. Pathetic, I know. But a few days ago, my interest shifted on someone I barely know. I just know a few facts about him. And I don't know how to express how I feel here.
• When I was in college, i used to make a lot of mistakes. Being here kept me from repeating those mistakes until last night. I just wish nothing would come of it. Really.

Dang I am a mess.

Hapy Birthday!

I just wanna greet nanay onon A happy birthday! Thanks for everything that you've done for me!
im in hurry. kinda.. hehe

Balls

I actually have the balls to fight for what I believe in and what I think is right. Mock me. Criticize me. Judge me all you want. I am fighting for what I think is right. What you said hurt. But if being hurt is the price I have to pay for the cause I am fighting for, so be it.
My life was spent searching for my purpose, its meaning. And I have found them. I don't want to be one of those people who lead meaningless lives, walking half-asleep, whose only goal is to become filthy rich.
Ten years, twenty years from now, I want to be able to look back at my life, satisfied and happy with what I've done. That I was able to contribute in my own little ways in saving the climate, helping the less fortunate, in fighting for justice and equality, that I was able to make a difference.
because these things matter. Not wealth. Or fame. Material things: Money, clothes. cars--- are all passing.
you know who you are.
Mock me, Criticize me, Judge me.
You'd wake up one day and realize that you've been searching for the wrong things, fighting for the wrong causes. and then it's just a little too late for you.
IF you even realize that.

anyway, i was watching mtv yesterday and i saw Ashley Tisdale's new video. She actually looks good with her dark tresses.

ta-ta

Not even Hilarious!

I was watching the new moon trailer when the words Joe Jonas Dances to Single Ladies caught my eye. Out of curiosity and yes, I find him cute, I clicked the words and after a few seconds, was face-to-face with a horrifying sight! Joe Jonas was wearing leotards and high heels. I don't have any idea why he did that but it was said that him dancing to SL was promised to his fans. That's gotta be the sickest video I've seen(DAncing videos). He couldn't even dance. He loked like he was being electricuted. REALLY! It's mind-blowing, puke-inducing. It was worse than a ruptured Inguinal Hernia. Im not Kidding. He looked pretty dyspnic to me. At some points in the video he even looked like he was dehydrated. And yes, Like MR. BEAN.
To see is to believe , right?!?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rP-KFnYg6Hw

xoxo

Some things change

RANDOM THOUGHTS:
...on a rainy day
...on the last days of May
...on a boring daY

• Money changes people. Some people tend to forget where they came from, who and what they were, who helped and were there for them when they had literally nothing. They all think that having money is everything, that it runs the world. They think that having it gives them the right to judge those who are poor, be mean to them and treat them like crap. Money is important. But having an abundant supply of it doesn't give anybody the right to demoralize those who have less.
  
  "I wish everybody is famous and wealthy like me, so everybody would know that all these things are not the answer to happiness." -Bill Gates


• Twilight trailer. I saw the trailer last night on ET. But I can't get enough of it. WAAAAAH! JAKE is H-O-T!!!! I can not wait to watch the movie! Waaaah the agonizing wait! i almost hate it!!!!


• Being a Nurse. I love what I'm doing. I really do. There were days that I'm just so tired but I still wake up and go on duty. And I made friends na with our staff and doctors.


• Lost Phone. I lost my sun phone. :) I just placed it on my window because its the only place where I can get signal. And I'm guessin' somebody made "dukot" it. Dang. Nobody's supposed to see it since my room's at the back part of the house. GRRRR. And I only realized yesterday that I lost it. Whoever stole it, I hope he rots in hell. Or had it pawned and gave the money to his family for food or school supplies, not gambling or "inuman". Shame on him.


• Mean Mystery Caller. Somebody's texting me and calling me names and saying bad things. That person texted a couple of people from the Poblacion and used my name too. Ain't that Grand?!?! Whoever you are, I don't care what you do. Basta ako, I know who I am and I don't do the things you do. just remember, What goes around, comes around.
  
  As Nang Arcel said, " The shit you hear about me might be true but it could be as fake as the bitch who told you."

----- I have nothing more to say.. there were a lot of things on my mind but as usual, everytime I am in front of the pc, i lose almost evry thought.

My Life has a Purpose

Yay me.
I am a volunteer nurse. I'm not sure if I am allowed to say the name of the hospital since I'll be writing some things about my experiences there for the next six months. I've been going on duty exactly a week now. The first three days, I was a nervous wreck since it has been more than a year since I was in the hospital. And those first three days, we were just supposed to observe our staff and some volunteers since January and March. The past couple of days, I was on PM shift and I've been assigned OB-GYN duty. Dang. I have no freakin' experience except assist the doctors. But in the ER, the nurses have to do almost everything, even wheel the patient to their respective ward/room. I was able to do some things that I haven't tried while I was still studying.
I was a nervous wreck. I get nervous still since I don't know what will be the cases of our patients in the next days to come. but in a way I am confident enough to approach my patients and do my thing.

Being a volunteer is tiring, if not exhausting (especially if you think about not being paid). But I am just happy that at the end of each day, in my own little way, I was able to help and make the lives of other people easier. Sure there were times that I just got piss at them for being inattentive and stupid but hey, it's not entirely their fault that they're poor and they lack the proper knowledge. Sometimes they are just life's victims. At least they have the sense to go to the hospital and seek treatment, right?

And there are those patients that are just arrogant and "hambug". YOu know those patients who were brought to the ER because they were in a fight or was drunk and got in a fight and accidents. And still so "hambug" even if their blood is dripping from their heads or their stabwounds. I just wanna apply more pressure than necessary on their wounds till they scream in pain. Sometimes SOME people deserve to get hurt. I THINK. hehe

Anyway, I am liking what I am doing. In a way. I am liking it for a lot of reasons. A of all, I am not idle. I am actually working (without pay nga lang and its not exactly the best hospital but at least it's a gov't hospital.) B of all, I'm learning and relearning a lot of things job-related and otherwise.C of all, I'm meeting new people and making friends. D of all, my family are supportive of what I'm doing (since they were the ones who wanted me to be a volunteer). It's a win-win situation. E of all, I don't have to be home when school starts. I don't have to be in a constant war with my mother. This is like the main reason why I decided to be a volunteer.

I gotta go. I still need to prepare for my PM duty..

TA-TA.

Bye....

I know its a bit late.. okay its like 2weeks late na jud.. but here are some of our
Burauen photos.



Anyway, Mari has left for NZ...im sure gonna miss her.. wala nay muh gunit nako.. :'(

Anyway, I applied for volunteer duty in ODH. Dang.. no pay.. for 6months..but its better than staying at home.. i really love the ako mismo dogtags.. ive already ingquired about it.. hmmm. please...
not working right now..
out of sight..
out of mind..
watev...

On MUM's day

This was like the first time that I went almost all out on Mother's day. i made sure that I showed my appreciation for my Nanay on that special day. So I decided to prepare some things for her. And besides I dont want a Deja Vu of last year when she was so mad that she left for Ormoc and went back late in the evening and bought 3 mops, for her, my father and me. Anyway, here are the photos of last Sunday.








To The Bravest Woman I Know:
Written on the 8th of May, 2009

Thank you for everything that you've done for me, the sacrifices you've given in exchange for the better lives we have now. Though in the past we never really got along, now we seem to almost understand and accept each other for who we were, who we are and who we will become. i am truly grateful to you for believing in me and understanding my shortcomings.
Despite our differences, I would never exchange you for some cool mum. Being who you are made me who I am today. You taught me to be sensitive of others' needs and feelings. you made me aware about the people around me. You taught me how to appreciate the simple and great things in life and LIFE itself.
Thank you so much for everything!
charness and happiness!
This photo was taken 20-something years ago...

Boyfriend = Happiness?

Not entirely true.
There are/were instances in life that we are happy, even without someone to call a boyfriend or girlfriend. Having someone to call my own or just merely dating someone is not my oxygen or my water. I do not depend my happiness on other people. I am perfectly capable of making myself happy.
Yes, people have seen me extremely happy when I used to have someone. And people have seen me happy without someone to call my own.
A friend once texted me that he/she is dating someone. This is the flow of our conversation:

Loida (LC): I am hapi 4 u.

Friend (F): thnkz mam. hope kaw pod naa na para happy ta tanan.

LC: I am happy mam. I dnt nid a guy to be happy.

F: Ako gani mam. Happy ko na single pero mas happy ko karon. ahahahahaha

LC: Happiness is variable. its up to u if u chus to be happy with what u hav.

F: mas happy jud mam basta naa.

LC: Thats twisted. be realistic.

F: Kakita ko nmo na happy na naa ka karelasyon ahahaha

LC: happiness is a choice. u can be happy with or without someone. I dont dpend my happiness on oder ppl.

~ I am happy with what I have and where I am right now. Sure there are times that I feel a certain degree of unhappiness but it doesnt mean that I am completely unhappy all the time. For me, being happy is being contented and satisfied with what you have and dont have. Life isn't perfect.
Being single made me think about a lot of things. It made me appreciate what I missed when I was in a relationship. It's giving me time to think about what I want and my dreams. Being single means having ME time. and a lot more.
And I will not deny the fact that there are times too that I wanted to be with someone. But I still haven't found the guy who's worth risking almost everything for. I am not one to play around. I don't like hurting other people because I know how it felt to be hurt, lied to and taken advantage of. It's not a great place to be in, especially if everyone's in on you. And all you could do was cry yourself to sleep every bloody night hoping that each tear you cried would lessen the pain in your heart. And don't get me wrong, I have gotten over the last serious relationship I ever had. But Im still not ready to plunge into that world again.

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS:
I found these hilarious photos of the people's champ, BTW congratulations to him for winning last sunday. It was the first time that I ever watched his game. And to my dismay, I wasn't able to enjoy it since it ended on round 2! And i happen to watch his after winning interview. He uhmmm speaks acceptable english now. A bit shaky but acceptable and understandable nonetheless. But I still think BOXING is stupid. hehe

Proud to be pinoy yaddi-yaddi-yadda. Mind you, I got goosebumps while watching Pacman beat the hell out of Hatton. Was it a right hook that introduced him to the floor and sent him to LOSERVILLE? What I admire most about PAcman is that he really studied How to speak BEtter English(better than before hehehe) I hope he would continue what he is doing. Maybe some joke messages have gotten through him and he realized that he ought to learn how to speak english better. hehe I can't believe im posting this but KUDOS PACMAN for winning and for the speech.. hehehehe

ciao!

if it rains, it pours

Happy labor Day y'all!

it's a 3-day weekend so rest up and enjoy all you working peeps out there.

Anyway, it felt like ages since I last posted here. And as usual, a lot has happened during my absence in cyberspace.

• A couple of Wednesdays ago, we went to Cebu from Manila. Five of us boarded on the 1pm flight and another five on the 3pm flight. The 1pm peeps had no idea that their baggage was boarded on the Cotabato flight. there was a minor mixed up at the check-in counter due to an arrogant mayor. So when we were all in Cebu, we waited for more than 24hrs and with a lot of pestering to get their luggage. Thank goodness we didnt lose ours.


• i had my hair cut, BTW. Right now, my nickname is:

• i went to tacloban to take care of a few things. After they were taken care of, Diane and I went to Burauen. We were pretty much on the road that day. I felt like my butt would disappear anytime from all the sitting we did. Finally, we arrived to our destination. We were giggling like schoolgirls the whole time we were there. We immediately adapted to the place that's why when we left, we felt a tinge of separation anxiety. I wanted to hold on to the nearest electric post so as not to leave. but then again, I had to for we ran out of underwear already. :D
• What happend there was something new for me. usually my mother doesnt allow me to sleepover. But then again it's not just anybody's home. Inspite of the mundanity of the place, pretty much like albuera but less in some things, e.g. streetlights, we managed to enjoy ourselves. We were welcomed with open arms and I wish we didnt have to leave so soon. The only Waray words I learned were:

-MAhagkot- cold

-Mapaso- hot

-bogto- im not even sure if its friends or brother.

And of course this funny reminder:

"Dire poyde maglabay ha basura"

----if you're Cebuano, You would have understood this as :

"YOu can throw your garbage here"

But if you're Waray, DIRE means NO.

• We went home via Tacloban last WEd. The people around us were amused because the whole time that we were conscious, we were giggling. A couple of people from the back of the vhire tooke pictures of us already.
• ---- A lot has happened to us in Waray. But i cannot disclose it here. it's not really personal but it involves other people. soooo...

April is over. They said summer has officially ended. Why? I wonder.

May has just begun. And it's time omce again for Fiestas. I can not wait.

ciao!

my Second day

Finally time alone with the laptop. I just got back from the city (quezon) and I am beat. We woke up really early this morning to go to Tagaytay. We had breakfast there and after more than an hour, we went home because Tiyo Nito has a meeting at noon. And after that I went with Nang Mayeth to the NSO office in East Ave. We commuted. I felt nauseated the whole time. We ate our lunch at around 3pm.








We rode the MRT and got lost along Taft Avenue. We didn't know where to wait for the bus for Sucat. Dang. Karma is a real bitch. *wink.
But finally, we did arrive in Jobee Sucat. Turned out, it has been close since I dont know when. And I got to buy a really nice pair of boots sa UK. hehe
I am so happy to be home. Today has been fun. really.
BTW, we went to Enchanted Kingdom last night and I only got to ride 5 rides since we went there real late. gah.















I'll be back with more photos from this weeklong trip..

heeey!

I am actually in Laguna right now. We arrived at 7.30 last night. I am with my tiyas, lolo and cousins. We're staying at my Tiyo Nito's. I'm loving it here because its so peaceful, different from what I am used to. Far from the hustle and bustle of the city life and the uber boring rural life. Unfortunately, we dont have an itinerary. Dang.

But I am hoping that we'd be able to go to Ek, Splash Island, Tagaytay and MOA. We have a week though. I am praying.

gotta go.

xoxo


PS
Gah! can't upload the freakin pix here.. ok.. ive uploaded them but im too tired to edit this post..

loidzmiatch.multiply.com

On my Own

It's Holy Week and I think it's only fitting to relax, sit on a corner and reflect. I have been trying to do so for the past weeks. But somehow, I failed. There were a lot of reasons why I couldn't seem to reflect about my life, the decisions I have made, the realizations, my feelings, etc. It wasn't like I was avoiding it. It's just that, I have been a little preoccupied with some things. And I was uncertain about some of the choices I have made.

A lot of things happened a little before and after I turned 22. But not those big things that are REALLY life-altering. Okay, they are life-changing in their own little ways but they happened so slowly that I barely noticed them. Either they happened at a snail's pace or I was being my old self again by not paying attention. But what the heck. It doesn't really matter since everything happend already. The choices have been made. The damage has been done.

Seven years ago, I had this thing for a guy I knew since I was in HS. I was too young to be in relationship with a guy 5 years my senior. He would have been accused of cradle snatching. On the other hand, I wanted to be with a guy who's years older than I am. The thing I had for this guy was not a crush. It was simply... a thing.

Less than a month ago, by some inexplicable twist of fate, our paths crossed yet again. okay okay. He went home. This time, both of us are "adults" now. Whatev. But the people around me still thinks that I am too young for him. Five years isn't really a big a gap. And he is looking for someone who's ready to settle down. And I think he already found her. Unfortunately. And I do like him. He is stable and a genuinely good person. But I still think they're just friends. Not more than that.

So I thought, I like him. I think about him A LOT. We text. But I am in no way ready to settle down. That's when I decided that not doing anything about what I have for him would be the best approach. You see, I have a lot of plans for myself. Being in a relationship would only confuse me about certain career decisions. I can not afford that. I can not afford confusion and risks.

--

I am doing something with my life. Though it's not what other people are expecting of me, I am doing what I think is best for me. Work will always be there. but the time that I am spending with my friends and family now are far more important and when I will be working, the time that I have spared for them will soon become limited. I don't want to be like some people who are yes, successful with their jobs, but are empty. I want to live my life day by day. Enjoy what it brings, pleasant or otherwise. Life has never been perfect. But I am willing to embrace its imperfections by living my life moment by moment. As I've said before,

"I only live once..."

"Life is short..."

to not actually enjoy it.

Summer is here!

written march 26th
I had the chance to kick off summer with a bang! We went to Digyo Island and stayed there for a night. It was my second time to go there. But I have to thank Ate Naknak for without her, we wouldn't have gone there. Thank you and COngrats on being an intern.
On the island, we had no parents, no maid. Just us. So we had to do everything. There's no electricity and no fresh water. I felt like being in SURVIVOR. Really. But we had a great time. I dont have time to tell you guyz how we spent our time there. Let the pictures do the talkin...





http://loidzmiatch.multiply.com/photos/album/163/THE_Ultimate_way_to_Start_Summer

Summer is here, let's enjoy the heat and spend time with friends and family.
-----------April 6th----------------
Yesterday, I went to Canigao Island in Southern Leyte with some relatives. we had a great time there. Unfortunately, I cannot upload the pictures from my cam here. grrrrr. But I will find a way. So anyway, here are a couple of pics from Zhai's cam.


ANYHOO.
don't really have the time to babble. gotta go.

BTW, A toast to all the graduates! And Good luck!

Bro's bday

We had grilled pork and some other dishes for Manoy Gengen's Birthday dinner. Only close relatives were invited and the choir.

After dinner, we decided to go to OC.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My niece, Innah, is the top two student of their batch. She was the top one during the first half of the school year. She has been an achiever since she started school. However, her parents weren't happy enough about her current status. Dang. They were scolding her when they arrived. I'm betting they have been on the way to our place. She was really pissed. I mean really. Who would have been happy if you're parents tell everyone na you weren't studying hard because ngbiga-biga ka?!? Plus everyone was like "Ngano man dili ka top one? wala diay ka ngtarong ug tuon?"
I got annoyed by what they were saying. As if they were included in the top ten when they were in elementary.
Naluoy ko niya coz she's still young and her parents are pressuring her to stay on top. She has been doing her best. The least they could do is appreciate her efforts. The least my family could do. Thank goodness we don't share the "abnormal" gene. lol
tsk. tsk. tsk.

We went to OC today to withdraw Lolo's pension. While inside the bank, I noticed a security guard doing the paperworks. He was the one filing the papers of a client who was opening an account. I was like Really?! He knew what he was doing. He looked like he has been doing that job for years. I just hope the bank's giving him enough for the job he's doing for them. Paperwork isn't really part of their job description, is it?

Anyway, my sister-in-law, Ate Naknak, passed her Junior year of Med proper. She's an intern now. My brother's gonna take us to Canigao Island next week. I hope we'd have a guh-reat time there. ta-ta

That Only Love can Make...

You and I

You and I will travel far together
We'll pursue our little star together
We'll be happy as we are together
We may never get to heaven
But it's heaven, at least to try
You and I are going on together
'Til the time we have is gone forever
Watch the evening drawing on together
Growing older, growing closer
Making memories that light the sky
That only time can make
That only love can make
[ Find more Lyrics on www.mp3lyrics.org/bIw ]
That only we can make
You and I

You and I are going on together
'Til the time we have is gone forever
Watch the evening drawing on together
Growing older, growing closer
Making memories that light the sky
That only time can make
That only love can make
That only we can make
You and I

You and I, You and I, ...

I just wanted to share this nice song to you. Months ago, somewhere in the leyte sea, I was taking a dip with some Tagalog cousins, when I heard Kuya Father singing this song. I felt something tugging my heart and tears started to well up in my eyes. At that time, I thought I may never see him again. And if I do, things will never be the same again. I did see him and some things aren't the same again.
Change.
The only constant thing in the world.

If I Could Change the World

I saw it on the screen
Pollution everywhere
People have no food
I think this is not fair
Never thouth about
The problems I don't have
All the lucky ones are mostly blind and deaf
Change the world
Change the world -
Never quit stand up for peace
Worry about
If I coud change the world
If I could change the world
No hunger any more
If I could make a wish
No anger, hate and war
If you could change the world
I wonder what you'd do
I walked down the streets
It was raining, cold and dark
I listened to a guy
Who was singing in the park
People walked on by
Life can be so hard
I offered him my coat
And made a brand new start
Change the world...

There are times in our lives that we complain about how everything is so wrong, so not what we want things to be.
Hunger. Poverty. Global Crisis. War. Inequality. Discrimination.
And yet, some of us are not doing anything about it. How about, we try to help in our own little ways. A little mercy goes a long way. That's what everybody needs. Mercy.
Our home here in Leyte is like a quote, SOCIAL CRISIS CENTER unquote.
You have to be here to see what I mean. Really.
Hint: A sack of rice per week isn't enough.

Being here made me realize that I don't have to buy or have new things. There are people who have nothing. There are far more important things in this world than new clothes, latest cellphone models, et cetera. Important things like helping those who need help and stop being the spoiled brats we tend to be.

Be the change that you want to see in the world.

Start Small. Start with yourself.
Help.

PS
I wanna greet my elder Bro, Noy Gengen, happy 36th birthday! I hope whatever you wish for will come true.
4 wishes for you:
4. Success in the path you chose.
3. Good health (I want nieces and nephews. Your Bio Clock is ticking na. Make Babies. lol)
2. Strength and courage. I know you are doing your very best to succeed in this business.
1. Happiness and Contentment in Life.

I love you NOy!

I came and I went

5 Things I missed about Cebu

5. SM and Ayala and Robinsons
4. UK
3. Pungko-pungko
2. Late night walks along Osmeña Blvd.
1. Good Coffee with great friends.


I stayed at my eldest brother's place to be with Innah for the night. She let me try their weirdly colored watermelon. Surprisingly, it was sweet. It tasted like the normal red ones. Yellow Watermelon

I thought this kid is cute. She's mestiza. Look at her clothes. ahaha When she grows up, She wants to be just like her mother. A....


Water Under the Bridge. Figuratively.

Only in the Pelepens
Badjao.

As you can see, you won't find a single jeepney in the picture. They had a strike in front of the LTO office somewhere.

"The Rich are getting Richer.
The Poor are getting Poorer."

Eric and I saw Karen C. at KFC. Dutymate/Classmate/Friend.


This is my beloved Bruise from last week's torture.


Almost a week in Cebu and I've been eating at KFC. Dang.



Thoughts:
I sort of bump into an old college friend somewhere in the Velez area. She told me im Tambukikoy (FAT). I know that. I own this ginormous body. I am very well aware of its current state. Or size for that matter. She doesn't have to rub it in. I happen to accept what and who i am. I don't give a shit about what other people think. Nobody's perfect. It's time she realizes that.
Anyway.
I won't be able to attend our OathTaking Ceremony on the 15th of April because I am leaving for Manila on that same day. sheesh. My cousin thought the oath taking was on the 13th. bhut it's okay. At least I dont have to endure 5 hours or so of senseless talks and formalities. I am so ready for Manila. well, except for my Tagalog. It will never be ready. hehe