UNFORGETTABLE WEEKEND

The past couple of days had been nerve-racking for me. Okay, only Saturday. The first day of the board exams. I couldn't sleep the night before. I started to cram. But hours before I was walking and making "suroy" around the city. But when I arrived home, ta-da! Gisugat ko sa kakulba! I couldn't remember the drugs, the interventions, etc. I slept so late that when my alarm got off, it made me jump and too nervous to function. Plus my dear father called a few minutes after I woke up and wished me good luck and gave me the most motivating speech that I've ever heard in my entire life. "Paniguru-a na makapasar ka para matabangan nimo imo mga ig-agaw." My initial reaction was scared to death that I might not make it. I was praying and asking for guidance while I was taking a shower, changing into my borrowed uniform (mine don't fit anymore) and going to UC-Main and as I waited outside the classroom. I was sweating profusely. Really! I felt my heart pounding in my chest! I wanted the exam to be over.

Nursing Practice I was okay. It's all basic. Made me wish I listened to all those boring lectures and RLE reporting back in college. It made me kinda calm. But still I had 4 more exams to go. We had a 1-hour break and I spent it in the bathroom replyng to all my friends and family who wished me luck. I also ate my homemade sandwich without cheese *boh-ring* and drank my Starbucks frap. Our proctor talked to me about Twilight. His fault!! I couldn't stop myself from gushing over it. Nursing Practice II. Goodluck! I love Copar. I started to leak CSF from my nose then it later progressed to my ear. Rhinorrhea and otorrhea, anyone? Man, was it difficult? But what made it all the more nerve-wracking was when a lot of us finished way ahead of time. It was supposed to be difficult!! And we were done 30 minutes before the time! Shucks!

Gayle and I spent our lunchtime together in my assigned room. We were just talking and she ate her lunch. It has been a long while since we last talked. I mean really talk. We have been too caught up in our own drama. It felt good to talk to her again. After a long time. I missed her.

Nursing Practice III was by far the most confusing and difficult exam for me. I wasn't only CSF leaking but nosebleeding as well. Hemorrhaging, actually. My neck was in full flexion the 2/3 of the time. I thought I might need a neck brace. Then finally, the first day was over. My DMC friends and Cdu friends from our review met up at the canteen. We shared the same sentiments. II and III are lisud!

Second day. Okay lang. Lisud gud ghapon ang IV. makatulala. And V? Bahala na ui! basta nahuman na jhud ang board. The rest is all up to the BIG GUY above. dba?!?

Of course, the day wouldn't be complete without celebrating the end of the exams dba?

LAAG everybody! One Mango was filled with board examinees last night! We also had our house party at Kit's house.Sir Ricafort gave us money man. Fun Fun Fun.

This the part that I hate the most.

The agonizing wait! (sakto bah?)

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Butterflies in the pit of my gut!!!!!!

Separation Anxiety

Four days to go before the NLE(Nursing Licensure Exam). I still don't know where I will be taking it. They said the list will be posted two days before the 29th. I am anxious more than ever. I think I'm having moderate anxiety because I seem to have my perspective narrowing. I also seem to forget what I just learned.
A few days more and all these will be over. Again, I have to say goodbye to those wonderful people I met and knew in our review. But as I've learned before, goodbye doesn't really mean the end of our friendship, does it? Although I am fully aware of the fact that we will be seeing each other again, I still can't help but feel a little separation anxiety. My new friends and I have been together almost everyday for a couple of months now. Within those months, I relearned that it doesn't really matter where you came from. Or what school I studied in. Or how filthy rich some of our co-reviewees are. Or even how smart someone is. It's how you treat people that matters.
Among the team of the SLRC reviewers, I rank Mr. John Gil Ricafort as my number 1favorite, Mr. Darius Candelario as my no. 2 and Mr. John Teodoro as 3rd favorite. I love Mr. Ricafort!!! I really am going to miss him so much! Their faces are forever imprinted in my memory. And I will never hesitate to approach them whenever I see them in any part of this world. I am really grateful with all our reviewers. I learned a lot from them. They made those difficult, brain cell depleting and mindboggling Med-surg and Psychiatric lessons easy. I understood ECG interpretation and those other diseases only in our review. Really, I'm not kidding. Those Clinical teachers should exert more effort in teaching their students. Instead of making our lives and the future students' lives a living hell. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if their graduates didn't really learn anything from their teachers but rather on self study and reportings? Yes, I do understand that it's modular but not all students will learn every important fact from studying alone. ECG and those complicated topics should be explained thoroughly.
Anyway, I'm going to miss my co-reviewees. They're not just that. They have become my friends, too. I'm going to miss the days that we have spent together, the laughter and all the things that made us laugh and cry. ohhhh!(Puppy face amd tears)
I am grateful to God that He made our paths cross. And for giving us such, SUCH WONDERFUL and FUNNY teachers. And most especially, for the guidance and blessing He will bestow upon us come saturday and sunday.
God Bless us all! First timers and retakers. I hope this would be the last time for us to take the NLE.

xx

Is it time to grow up?

Is it time to grow up?

I have a long list of wants in my life. My current obsession is the Promod Boots. A few days ago, I asked my Tiyo Nito if it's possible for him to buy me those boots. He said yes. I didn't tell him the price, of course. He'd probably faint if he'd know. Anyway, after days of dreaming about those boots, he finally gave me the money to buy them. He still doesn't know how much it costs. He gave me enough money to last me through December. He also told me not to ask for allowance from my mother anymore. I have been excited for days to buy them. But I realized that I don't need the boots right now. Maybe I'd just have to wait for the store to have their yearly clearance sale. Maybe then I could get the boots at a lesser price. But if that day comes and it's already gone, I guess it's not for me.

I was in Natio Ayala last Saturday with Eric. I passed a middle adult woman with her grandson. He was holding a toy. Kana gani you'd write on it and ma-erase ra pod siya? I don't know what's it called. Anyway, the little boy went to his ate and showed her the thing and asked, "Ate, pila ni siya?" The girl smiled but before she could respond the boy asked her, "Mahal na siya?" She smiled again and said yes. The boy looked crushed. And it only costs Php119.

And looking at the boy's expression crushed my heart, too. I had been lucky. When I was his age, I almost always get what I want. From toys to chocolates. I never really thought about the other kids who have almost nothing. Understandably, I still hadn't developed my Superego. I felt sorry for that kid. I still do. I wish I could have done something. This is exactly the kind of regret that I don't want to have. It makes me feel like a selfish and a lesser person. Especially now that I'm obsessing with those expensive boots and some people don't even have anything decent to eat. For the longest time, I have been wasting money. Not even thinking that they don't just grow on trees. Sometimes I do think about how my family works hard to give me a better life. Better than what they had when they were my age. But sometimes, when I am away from home, I tend to forget. And I know it's not right.

A few days to go and I'll be taking the NLE. After that, I will be forced to be responsible for myself, to grow up. Even if I don't want to. I have to. Whatever the result of the exam, I have to fend for myself na. No more wasting time. It's time to give back what was given to me.

PAYBACK.

Is it time to grow up?

Maybe. I don't know.

whole year wish list

yeah i know.. my cousin, espee posted her own christmas list. Manundog ko!!

che!

I just got back from AYala. SALE! unfortunately, i dont have the right to ask for shopping money. Coz obviously if they do, i'd just spent em on useless things. Like my purple boots that i got from Promod earlier this year. I only wore it inside the car on our way to Burauen, Leyte and the day before my father's bday. It's purple! lisud kau ang pgmix and match..

anyway, we went inside Promod to check their new boot collection. being fall and all.. I FELL IN LOVE with their new style.. UGG-like boots I tell you.. I LAVEEETT jd! i fitted it. size 38. sakto jud kaau!! LAVEEETT!! I had it reserved.. hopefully I'd be able to buy it.. SPONSORS!!!

I feel feverish just thinking about those black boots... hmmmm...

thats number 1 on my list.. this pair looks good with leggings or tights. and its not init to wear..

2. Twilight books.. all four.. and we do have tickets for the movie..weee... 1st screening.. hehe



3. SIDEKICK...



4. SLR...any will do... basta SLR.. hehe

5. DAvao and Manila trips. family members required.. hehe its gonna be the funnest and most memorable trip of our lives.. im gonna drive y'all insane.. hehehe

I change my mind.. the boots are number 2 on my list... NUMBER 1 : Passing the board exam.. hopefully.... unta jud!! please lang..

make this a whole life wishlist... tsk tsk tsk...

this is the UGG boots that i absolutely adore!!!

KARMA BITCH!

what goes around comes around
Sometimes ppl get tired of other ppl abusing them
IT DOESN'T HURT TO ASK. PIECE OF ADVICE (dear friends): ASK!
be careful of the things you say to your friends, it might be perceived differently and in a bad light. Or worse, it could start a fight.
IT HELPS TO BE SENSITIVE AND CONSIDERATE.
Never waste your time by spending it with people who made a habit of saying bad things about your friends or family. who knows,they also talk about u behind your back. they're no good. especially if the things they're saying about you are the things they do or happened to them.. KARMA BITCH!!! deal with it!
USE REACTION FORMATION when around these people. i repeat, THEY'RE NO GOOD!
just let go of the things they said about you. A of all, they don't know and they didnt take the time to ask you or to know u, B of all, they're not perfect with worse skin than mine and C of all, there's no known cure for FUCKIN INSECURITY.
AND BEFORE you say bad things about a certain HUMAN BEING, look at yourself in the ga-damn mirror first. maybe, just maybe MAS LIMPYO PA KO NIMO.
IT DOESN'T MEAN because you do it with those people I DO IT TOO. My values are still intact.
I dont want to tell the whole whole world aboUt the previous but hearing those things just irritates my senses. and seeing your large ass too. you're a big pain in the butt and you make my eyes sore, brain hurt and makawala ka ug buot! (mo! MO! MAKAWALA MO UG BUOT!)
and please stopp messing with my family. you dont know who you're dealin with.
yeah you're fuckin rich, so wat?! your massive wealth coudnt buy you good skin and a sexy body. all it has given you was a nasty attitude and a freakin insecurity problem and superiority complex na wala sa lugar.
and I've said this before and i'm saying this again, WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND! its KARMA, bitch!!
try to be good, okei?!
XOXO

loidzmiatch

Things to do in my life

I guess everybody has their own list except me. I've never really thought of making myself one. Mine was more of a mental note and sometimes I'd forget them pa jud. But this time, I thought why not make a blog about it. I've got nothing to lose anyway.

But before that, I just have to get this out of my system. What years 2007 and 2008 has been for me.

What years, I tell you. All the possible feelings or emotions and things, I felt during these years. Extreme happiness, extreme sadness (to the point of mild depression), anger, rage, jealousy, security, suspicions, happiness, contentment, satisfaction, betrayal, lies, pride, uncertainty, helplessness, courage, hope, faith, love, strength, success...

and the list goes on.

but with that,life goes on as well.

I made a lot of mistakes in my life. I am entitled to that. I learned from them. I learned from life, and love.

But I have to keep going. Life goes on.

Life is too beautiful to just let it go to waste.

so with these I hereby post the things i want to do in my life.

(not really in order)

pass the board exam (hopefully one take lng)- this marks the start of my life. i mean really. passing this exam will open a lot of doors for me.
find a good job abroad- I really hope i could find a satisfying job abroad. uknow why. dont have to elaborate on this one.
Have my own place,own car (settled,established,stable)- with all these things in my hand, I could start helping my less fortunate cousins and relatives. afterall, they're the reason why dapat ko maniguro.
Visit a few cities in the states: NY, California and Hawaii among others.- I really want to visit these places since I was in High school.
Travel to Europe- Need I say more? Its EUROPE dahling. everybody wants to go there.
Buy myself a trusty SLR, digicam, videocam.- to capture the beauty of the places that Im about to visit. (wahaha ambitious much?) and yes, self-portrait.
Roadtrip around the country.- I love my country. I love the Philippines. I love its beaches. And Im proud to be a Filipino (wlay kwenta na blog!)
Be a RED CROSS volunteer and Go to Africa- It has been a dream of mine to go there and help all those kids who have AIDS and those abused women.
things are subject to change without prior notice.

and pde ra pod mapun-an.

insatiable being.

Long, Long Ago

"Tell me the tales that to me were so dear,
Long, long ago, long, long ago,
Sing me the songs I delighted to hear,
Long, long ago, long ago..."


I used to have piano lessons when I was a kid. I never wanted to. I'd rather play with my kid neighbors than go to Ormoc everyday for the whole summer and be scared to death with our mole-faced, petite piano teacher. I didn't really pay enough attention to her. She was always with a wooden ruler ready to strike our small, frail fingers everytime we commit a mistake. I remember one of my first practice lessons. She placed me in the room next to where she used to hold her lessons. I forgot all she taught me, So I did a nasty imitation of pianists I saw on TV. And then I saw her tiny figure in my door frame. I stopped.

And then she sat me on her piano, and taught me again. As I was playing the first piece in my Kinder Piano book, in my mind I was like, "Ah... In-ani ra diay."

That's what I got from not paying attention. And a disturbing memory of the haunted piano house in Lopez Jaena St.

From then on, I tried to pay attention to her and practiced my lessons before and after my sessions with her. And then my parents decided to continue my lessons after summer is over. I was in Prep that time. Maybe she's one of the factors that caused my inferiority complex. ha-ha

http://www.contemplator.com/england/longago.html

"And suddenly there appeared before me
The only one my arms could ever hold
I heard someone whisper, “please, adore me”
And when i looked my moon had turned to gold."

I learned this piano piece from a public school teacher (who used to be a "maharlika") . She taught me this one summer day when I was Korkie's "yaya". She'd just given birth that time. I remember her blouse being wet from all the milk from her breasts. It was kinda gross. But she had an extensive collection of piano books. We also used the same books we had in OC. But the pieces she taught me are far more interesting and funner to play. My mother already gave me a piano for my 10th birthday. And that's what we used.

After all the piano lessons I had in my life, I still couldn't bring myself to completely love it. It was more like school for me than something I am passionate about. It was just something I do during summer and lunch breaks. Something that made me stand out from the rest of the children in our barangay and in my class (some of my classmates started later in grade school). But I never loved it. Or appreciated it enough. Months would passed me without touching my piano. It was one of those things in my life that I took for granted. There was a time in my life when I just wanted to get rid of it. I asked my friends if they knew someone who wanted to buy a piano. But then I realized it signifies someone important to me. And It dawned on me, I don't want it gone. It was one of the legacies that Tatay Omy left us. Precious memories that I couldn't bring myself to forget. Memories of cuddly stuff toys. Of chocolates. Of bonding moments. Of teasing. Of dancing "Pearly shells" and boogie. Of wealth and abundance. Of a great life that has passed.

I've never thought that I'd lose what I used to have. Things were much simpler when we were young. When the most difficult decision I had to make was choosing which two toys I wanted for my birthday. When all I did was go to school and play and swim. When I wasn't aware of the world's greatest problems of poverty and hunger.

i hate goodbyes

We gave our favorite priest, my Kuya Father a despedida party last tuesday, 29th of July. He was late, of course, because he went to Ormoc to run some things. He arrived and then we started to eat. He kept asking me to pour water in his glass. He was sick actually. He doesnt even have his voice. hehe
Members of the Tulda gave thank-u and will-miss-you speeches. His mom, Tita Norma and my mother said a few things too. I thought I wouldnt be asked to give him one but Ate Harl shouted my name. GRRRRR! ANyway I gave my speech, I secretly prepared one for fear of being dumbstruck in front of everyone.
It started with a Good evening. And then I told them about how I got pissed and jealous everytime my mother calls me and talks about him or lets me talk to him. The few months that he was here in albuera, he instantly became a special part of their lives. I, ofcourse, got even more pissed. I went on and on.. I told them I never wanted to get close with priests because its not normal for me. they misinterpreted as Kuya Father not normal. hehe everybody laughed. Theyve been laughing evrsince i took hld of the fuckin mic. because Kuya Father never seemed to run out of words to tease me: siaw na manghud, pasaway, maldita.. et cetera. Tita Norma would even make kumot his mouth.. HA-HA! And then I got to the part when I told him that I owe him a lot for being their with my Mother and father when MY brothers and I weren't around. That he filled a space in my mother's being that neither me nor my brothers could ever fill. And almost everyone cried. I was crying when I said that. I never wanted to cry coz I am freakin ugly when I do. hehe
After the speech, He placed the bac of his hand on my forehead, and tease me once more. Im sure gonna miss my Kuya Father.
Then It was time for him to say goodbye. He pinched and it felt like the last time he'd ever will.
He walked out our house without even saying goodbye. He just left.
just like that.
I know it not easy for him to leave us. And its certainly not easy for us either. ITs harder to be the one who gets to be left behind. trust me.
WE went to his new place the morning after. we were late. but better late than never right?
I asked him if we could have our poicture taken and he said yes saying that I might get jealous again.. he kept teasing me and the pic turned out good for me and not for him. he was looking at me, teasing me. and it was caught on cam. hmmmm. he never stops teasing me.
and then we left after a few minutes.

i hate goodbyes

First Friday of February

This day is by far the nicest weather Cebu ever had. It was sunny and it felt summery. IT was a good day to just walk around the city and enjoy the February sun. Icon and I decided to go to Natio and buy school shits. And we opted to walk there to enjoy the day.. On our way there, a foreigner almost jumped the fence to run after us. He scared the living hell out of me.



Mango during daytime. Looks different huh?!?!



I dragged Icon to the hospital to do some bitching/bitchery. But look who we bumped into, her EX, Giovanni. hehe peace out girly..



I dont even know these people's name. I just saw them in the hospital's waiting area. I like the kid's features. His sexy in a childish way. hehe and His grandpa is pa-cute.




Ang dahon!! I just thought this was cute.




Fuente. This is really beautiful. I love the FOuntain in the Basilica.



I love balloons!!



We, the CAMWHORES, heared mass and took lotsa pictures.



After church, our tummies were churning like crazy, yelling I'M EMPTY. FEED ME!



After dinner, we were so full that we decided to take a walk. Around the city. and took pictures with almost every sign we see. I personally love the NO LEFT TURN sign. It reminds me of everyone who doesnt believe that Ive gotten over him.





Icon: so confused as to what napkin to buy..ahahah



Ukay-ukay people



walkin to jollibee..a quick stop to take pix..



so hungry after the walk.. yum pie!!!




these two people are the craziest!!!


From Jollibee, I walked home and found April and Amanda studying Spanish. I chikad with them, took crazy pictures. And then, the toilet outside flushed. OMG! Then we shared our experiences here. We scared ourselves and decided to go up and sleep.
















who's gonna turn off the lights guyz?!?! good luck!!

proud of myself

I'm proud of myself yesterday. I managed to attend review and sign language. The latter was okay, made me feel stupid. Baga kaau xa ug face. Chris sat beside me and he came with him. He sat in front and faced us. He asked where I was assigned.
told him Talamban. He thought community duty. stupid. ha-ha. naa ba gu'y community na night?!?

Vhire ride was fun! Paulo was there and I was nervous.
All through the ride, G and Jem and I laughed the hell out. When we arrived in the hospital, I ran.
When I reached home, I received a text from him: "Dagan jud. hahahaha."
It was funny! Coz I really did run!

Duty time...
Maryanne's brother was with us last night. He had himself reassigned because of his co-headnurses who are soooo.... mean
We talked about his love life.. haha
He was actually buotan. We ride the jeep together and iya ko gipasakay ug 14D.

Anyway. I'm so tired na jud.
of everything!!!! Im hating school right now!! I hate the freakin' pressure!! i ahve a lot of requirements to pass tomorrow!! ICU-ER-SPA!! and I haven't started yet!! Hell!! I dont even have a notebook!!!!

Fcuk!!!!

almost away from my comfort zone CDUH...

My first night in North General Hospital was pretty boring. On my way there, I almost missed the bus. Fortunately, I saw Mario (a former classmate) and i asked him to share his seat. We had a history.. hehe I used to like him Sophie year. When i arrived there, it was still to early.. 9:00 pm, way too early. Blake and Jaja were watching HBO in the Xray area, i joined them after signing my absence slip..hehe we stayed there for an hour maybe. I stayed longer because Kat hasnt arrived yet.
A few minutes after, still she hasnt arrived so I decided to just go to our station. Endorsement already started but instead of joining them, I ate my frooties and skyflakes. I wasnt hungry, but I was bored like crazy hell!!!
After almost an hour, Kat arrived. it was really boring!! but i was getting by. Thanks to my co-headnurse.
We took our supposed to be 15 minute break down at the lobby, with Blake and Jaja. There, we sipped our 3-in-1 coffees and too sweet Milo, ate our frooties and Fita, shared ghost stories, love stories and gossips.
Blake pulled a prank on two staff nurses, he pushed the up button on the elevator in the lobby, ran off to the 2nd floor and pushed open and scared the hell out of them.. we heard their shouts!!! it was oh-so funny!!!
but duty calls. but i didnt think the staff missed us.
but we still came back.
Kat shared her love stories. It felt good to know that Im not the only stupid girl when it comes to love in this world. I dont know which is stupider, being fooled twice by the same guy or being fooled thrice by different guys?!? But either way, we never learned the first time.
When it was my turn to make chika i learned that they were assigned together in Greenfields with their group. And yes, they thought sila.