Halfway there

I am now 20 Weeks and a day and I have less than a month here in Oz. So far, I've been feeling great and sometimes, I don't feel that much pregnant until I feel the burn, the urinary frequency and the constant hunger each and every day. But hey, I'm not complaining.
And I still am stuck on the same weight.

Almost a couple of weeks ago, I had my second ultrasound and it was done in Sydney X-ray. Ultrasounds just cost way a lot higher here than it does in the Philippines, I tell you. But what I had was a routine scan which showed us the cephalo-caudal development of baby girl. If I'm not mistaken, this is usually done between the 18th and 20th week of gestation since at this point in time, almost every fetus is of the same size and the development of each organ is at the same pace. I think. And of course, it was really hard for me, or for anyone for that matter to book an appointment for my pre-natal check up. No clinic or hospital would actually take me in since I am not giving birth here. Australia, you suck. Anyway, let's not go into details of that unfortunate fact. So for almost two months, I've been driving myself mad because I was worried about this little bugger inside me. As I've said on my previous post, I've been trying to hear her heart beat through a steth but to no avail. As it turned out, my nursing skills are as rustic as a century-old nail, I searched for her FHT an inch and a half below my navel and good Lord! When the technician looked for her FHT, it was on the LLQ. Bright kaau ko sah?

Anyway, I had to had a full bladder for that scan alone and it was really uncomfortable for me since she was probing and prodding on my belly, on my full bladder. And I really thought I would pee right then and there.

I was just excited to find out if my baby was a girl or a boy. It really doesn't matter whatever my baby was as long as it's healthy and growing normally inside sans prenatal vitamins at that time. She was moving a lot and gave the technician a difficult time in measuring her and even checking her gender. I think we were in there for 45 minutes. But it was all worth it. Hearing her heartbeat and seeing her that big and moving around was well worth all the nausea and vomiting and dizziness I experienced.

Up until now, it still feels surreal that this tiny being is inside me, alive and kicking me at her own convenience. Every time I feel her move just makes me smile like an idiot because she really does make me happy. And every day and night I just pray that everything will be alright for her, that everything will be provided for her once she enters this world. I will make sure of that. Jev will make sure of that. I hope and I pray that this little girl will grow up happy, kind, polite, loving, sweet, respectful, courageous and to be socially aware. There are a lot of things that I want her to be but most of all, I want her to be herself, to love herself and to care for people, especially the ones in need.

And I also pray for me, that I will be protective of her, but not too much that she will feel the need to rebel against me, that I will let her be herself, that I will support her in everything that she does and I pray for patience. Lots of it.

And I also pray for Jev to have more patience than he does right now. Haha. I know he's going to be loving and a kind father, a spoiler, too. Both of us will work together on raising a good child. I really hope we'd be successful in that. Hahahaha

I guess this is how it feels like to be a mother. I am not yet there. But I will be. I have two mothers and they had different ways in raising me and I am not saying that because of that it's gonna be easy for me.. All I'm saying is that I have an idea how but it all depends on the kid, right? So, Little Saige, be a good girl if you don't want me to tie you around a tree. Joke.

xx,
dee

2012: What am I thankful for?

Happy Thanksgiving!


I almost forgot that its that time of year once again to celebrate all the good things that has happened to us.

This year, aside from having a healthy body and mind, I am thankful for a few special things that God has given me.

Firstly, I am thankful that I was brought up the way I was. Some might disagree but I've given this some thought and I say it has been beneficial for me. It has made me see that it's not always about having heaps of money or new clothes or gadgets. It's about making the most of everything that you have. Yes, these things can make you happy. But until when?

Secondly, the chance to live in Australia. Even for a few months. Being here has opened my eyes to a lot of things. It's true that you will never understand unless you are experiencing it yourself. Living away from home is harder in itself. How much more if you're living in another country with totally different cultures and traditions. Another thing i learned is that it's never easy working/living abroad. Sometimes, it only looks good in pictures. One thing that families left in the Philippines don't understand is that they kept on asking money without so much as a thought on how many meals, etc. that their relative opted not to eat or in some cases, just ate canned goods or noodles just to give in to their vices and caprices. I am more than thankful that I was not raised in a wealthy environment because of that, I learned and I know how to appreciate what I have and make the most of it.

Thirdly, I am grateful that I have these wonderful people around me, my parents, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and a few great friends. I thank them for their understanding in trying times and those moments when I was too much to handle and of course, with my recent situation. I am thankful they reacted the way they did, accepted both me and my baby and of course, the baby daddy, Jev. I know some people have a lot to say but i already reached a point where I don't give an eff anymore.

Fourthly, I am thankful that I met a wonderful person who showed me that not all men are jerks and assholes. He made me believe in forever once again.

And last but not the least, I am thankful that I am given this opportunity to be a mum, to be someone that a little person could always look up to. I may not inspire a lot of people but I know I could be an inspiration to my lil bub. I may not make a big difference in this world but I know I can definitely make a huge difference in the life of my baby.

I am thankful for these things that I have now for without them, I am not where I am, not who I am today.

thank you Lord for always being there for me and my loved ones.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends and family!!! I wish i was home to celebrate it with everyone.

Xx,
Dee

15th and 16th

25 weeks till I pop. Oh dear.

The past week has been filled with dizziness and I haven't been eating much. I rarely get hungry so God help me. I should be gaining a pound a week or whatever but my weight is just about the same the past three weeks. I am not quite sure whether that's a good thing or not.

Mood Swings. What a funny thing.
I was eating lunch a few minutes back and was watching Legally Blonde. Dammit, I was crying uncontrollably when Elle answered the professor's question correctly. Dammit. Even the over-dramatized tv commercial puts me to tears. Pwede muhilak tungod aning mood swings?

This is my tummy now. I wish it's bigger. Haha I am just so excited to be huge and it's okay to be big because I'm pregnant.. No one would tell me to go on a diet. hahaha

16 Weeks.

The past few days, I just feel so energetic. And of course, like any other good thing in the world, it has an end. At the end of the day, I feel like dragging myself to bed and just sleep my life away. Haha

I've been trying to listen to my baby's heartbeat thru a stethoscope. But I just can't. Either I have lost all my nursing skills or the steth is just a tad old. I've missed my check-up this month but I am booked to have all kinds of tests for weeks 16-19. I can not wait for my check up on December. Maybe then we'd find out the gender of my little pumpkin. We better. It's just a bit too expensive for me.

I spent these weeks, looking for baby things online and taking note of the things that I will order as soon as I get home to Filo. I can not believe I made a year-long list for things that Saige/Jev Matthew will need. Haha Am I a bit too excited? Haha Maybe. I also made plans with Icon last September with regards to my photo shoot as soon as my belly's big enough to be photographed. Now that's set, all I need is the confirmation of everything and I'd be a happy preggo. I'm just glad that I am not cranky like other pregnant women. I guess, Jev's one helluva lucky guy that my mood swings does not involve anger. hahaha

2013 is really a big year for the both of us. And I can not wait for things to take place and for everything to be official.

I guess that's it for the past couple of weeks. I am looking forward to a bigger belly and a healthy baby.

xx,
dee

Fourteenth

I am now on my 14th week of pregnancy and is officially on my second trimester. I have yet to have myself checked up and I truly dread paying the bills. Medical bills, professional fees, diagnostic exams-- the bane of my existence in Australia. They cost hundreds of dollars. Ultrasounds cost 4-5 times more than it does in the Ormoc. And yes, the cost per check up is well times 25!!! Haaay naku! Kamahal na man lang.

As each week progresses, I feel like my energy is waning, my nausea is back and some occasional bouts of vomiting. There are still days that I just want to stay in bed but as soon as I look at those beautiful eyes of dear Katherine and seeing how hungry she is, well, I just gotta get up and give her milk. This kid amazes me so much. She can be left alone, on her own without so much as attention from the grown ups around her, as long as she's full, she has toys to keep her company, she 's about the most content baby girl in the world. She doesn't even complain if she's hungry. She waits for me to wake up. Sounds like someone I know. Haha Her Mummy. She never wakes me up. I hope my baby's like so that I could still get some sleep, even if it's just two hours.

Ahhh sleep. I consider it a luxury now. I am always sleepy but I can't seem to put myself to sleep. As a result, I get headaches. I am enjoying my pregnancy, though, I am a bit impatient for my tummy to show. Hey Baby, are you even growing?!?! It's just that given the knowledge and experiences I have with pregnant women, labor and giving birth, I am just about as anxious as the next pregnant woman without the medical or nursing degree. The discomfort of the growing tummy, the sleepless nights, the dizziness, the constipation, heartburn--- is enough to make me cringe at the very thought. But still, I can not wait for it to grow big. Just big, not any bigger or ginormous like some preggos.

Happy are those who have given birth this month, including my very good friend, Mila, who delivered a very healthy baby girl last October 27th. They can now rest, well, they can at least lie on their back just to wake up in the middle of the night to feed their bubs. Basta, they're free from the big tummy and the discomforts it brings, me, well, I am still on my way and there's no way of escaping. I guess I just have to enjoy and savor everything since it'd be a looooooong time until I would subject myself to all the discomforts and the negative side of pregnancy. Haha Don't get me wrong, I love my being pregnant, I just hate the signs and symptoms. Imagine wanting to eat everything and then throwing them all up. That's just wrong. Lucky are those women who feel nothing when they are/were pregnant. As for me, my mum had it, my aunts did too. So I ain't that lucky, afterall. But Lucky enough to be given the chance to be pregnant and soon to be a mum.

I can not wait for my tummy to show so that I can post photos already. hahaha excited lang jud.

Anyway, here's a few tips to those who are preggos with all the dreaded symptoms.

• I know we're always hungry but eating big meals won't help. Try eating 5-6 times a day. Eat fruits or veggies. Make sure you wash them properly.
• Drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. But don't drink one glass in one gulp. What I do to ensure that I am getting at least 1.5 liters of water per day is that, I get a glass of water and drink it within an hour or two. A glass measures from 200-300 ml. A surefire way is using a 500ml or 1L bottle and bringing it anywhere and everywhere. Bahalag bug-at basta makainom lang ug water. :-D
• I haven't been drinking ANMUM for over 2 weeks now since it makes me throw up, so to make sure that I am still getting all the nutrients, vitamins and minerals that I need everyday, I try, as much as possible to eat green leafy vegetables (spinach, broccoli), yellow capsicum, pasteurized cheese, basically all the healthy foods, we rarely eat unhealthy food here so I'm safe. And I drink juices and pasteurized milk. REMEMBER: The darker the color of the fruits and veggies, the more nutrients it has. So eating a ripe papaya is better than eating an apple.
• I'm pretty sure every pregnant woman weighs herself every morning and dreads the weight gain. Don't skip meals or go on a diet. Please. 
• Exercise. Not the lose-weight exercise but walking and yoga is more than enough. I only walk 30minutes per day or sometimes even more if I have extra energy. As long as you keep on moving, not just sit around the house and eat all the junk you can get your hands on.

I guess these are some of the things I learned the past 3 months. I'm just thankful that I don't crave chocolates or other sweets and junks. Because if I do, good luck to me. I'd be 300lbs by the end of the year! 

So, i am on week 14th. Six more weeks til week 20. What's on the 20th week? Well, let's just say that it'd be the perfect time for me to feel my baby move for the first time. Ahhh. The joys and wonders of pregnancy.

xx

Dee

Lucky 13

I have reached the level of boredom. I have come to point where I have nothing else to do and nowhere else to go.

Anyway, I am on my 13th week of pregnancy, 13 weeks and 3 days, to be exact. Now I am hungrier than I've ever been in my entire life. I eat and eat and eat. Thankfully, my weight had come to a standstill after gaining 3 kilos my first week here. I guess it was understandable since I haven't been eating back in the Philippines due to the dreaded first trimester symptoms, nausea and vomiting. I still have them occasionally. And I just keep on burping all day. And night. And oh, the heartburn. I heard it's gonna get worse as my pregnancy progresses.. Oh dear God. Help me. I don't like eating before going to sleep but it's the only way for me to stop the gurgling and the painful bouts of heartburn.
It pains me to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night because I am currently experiencing urinary frequency. Supposedly, this symptom appears during the first trimester. But hey, better late than never, right?
And yes, linea negra appeared right on schedule. Mine's a bit faint yet. Not that visible but clear enough to see the dark line across my tummy. I know, I just know that the next worst thing is for the horrible stretch marks to appear. Yes, scratching the tummy does that but even if you don't scratch, stretchmarks still appear. haaaay. I'm still not showing yet.. Beer belly still.
There are days when I am oozing with energy. And then some days, I wish day was not invented so that I could just stay in bed forever.
We've picked out names for our baby already. We decided, well, I decided on the boy's name. But if it's a girl, I haven't decided on a second name just yet. But soon.

Yesterday, I went to the mall and walk around and watched a movie. But before all that, I looked for baby stuff. There are a lot of nice baby things that I wish I could buy now. But, I really have to control the urge since I still don't know it's gender. Haaaaay. I wish everything would go on sale so that I could buy heaps of stuff for my little bugger. But I have yet to know if it's a girl or boy.

Another thing, on our way home, just a few blocks away, we almost got into a car crash. It was the scariest 5 seconds of my life. It all happened so fast and I'm just thankful that the brakes work. Only the two cars hit each other and we were spared. There was only one thing on my mind, keep my baby safe.

oh well. life.

Bye, Bye First Trimester

I am 12 weeks now and boy, oh boy am I thankful that I am well on my way to the second trimester with the nausea and vomiting, food aversion and mood swings all behind me now. The past few weeks have been torture for me since I couldn't eat all the healthy foods I need to eat not just for myself but for the growing little bugger inside me. All I ever wanted was a healthy and safe pregnancy and of course, a baby with 5 fingers on each hand, 10 toes on each foot, 2 eyes, ears, a mouth and nose. In other words, a very healthy and very complete baby, NO MORE, NO LESS. I mean, who doesn't? No parents would want a sickly baby or something.

But I have a new symptom: dizziness. Or maybe I'm just hungry all the time? I don't know. Whatever the cause, whenever I eat, it somehow subsides.

Since I don't feel nauseous or I don't have the urge to run to the bathroom every minute, I don't feel that much preggo. I mean, I'm not showing just yet. Well, I'm finding it hard to button my shorts and pants but still, to everyone on the outside, it still looks like my beer belly. HAHA. But when I do touch it and palpate it gently, I can feel that my little peanut is just inside, somersaulting its way into being a baby.

Haaaay. I know that this pregnancy is unplanned but the joy it brings to me and Jev. It's not easy, it will never get easy. Things will get harder. But I know we can surpass everything that'd come our way. What other people think do not matter anymore. As long as I have my parents' support and love, they can just eat their opinions out. Just don't let me hear you/them say negative things about my pregnancy and everything that's going on in my life. You can all kiss my ass.

I still have a few hurts and pains from what I heard about the things other people say. But I'm trying not to let it get to me. All I know is that nobody likes you. Period.

On the lighter note, I am slowly exercising to better help me in my impending labor. I know that I still have a long way but you don't build up endurance and strength over night. It'd take time and there's no better time than now.

And, aside from graduating from the dreaded first trimester, I am also saying goodbye to crackers only diet. HAHA. Boo-yah!! I can eat whatever I want in small amounts. I do not overeat because I have a very sensitive tummy now. And I really don't want to be a whale or my baby to be ginormous. I just want him to be average in size and weight. And finally, I am gaining weight!! Why am so happy about it? Because the past 5 weeks, I have lost 6 kilos and I think it's about time that I start gaining, don't you think so love? But not too much.

Ahhhh. The joys of pregnancy and motherhood. I am just so excited to buy things for my cutie patootie but I have to control myself. I have yet to find out the gender of my baby. Maybe I should wait til I get home to Filo because an ultrasound here costs a lot. I mean A LOT. I can buy a week's supply of food with it. Haha.

I just feel so lucky to be given this chance to be a mother. My Nanay can not wait for my baby to be born so that karma can start showing me just how difficult I was to raise. HAHAHA. I will raise my kid not to be a social climber and a gold digger. unlike some people. *wink

toodles.

Pregnancy and whatnot

You got that right.
I'd be blogging about my current state more than anything in this world. Right now, I am 8 weeks and 2 days. I still have roughly about 30-32 weeks more. Oh boy!!! Or girl?

Anyway, lucky are those women who go through their pregnancy smoothly because I don't remember a day that i actually felt better or normal or at the very least not queasy since I got preggo.

Nausea, vomiting, food aversions, hypersensitivity to certain smells-- you name it, I got it all. My current bff right now is my bed. Or maybe because I am experiencing pregnancy fatigue. All I know is that I just want to stay in bed all day and all night long.

Sunday
September 30, 2012

I am 9 weeks today. My baby has graduated from embryonic to fetal stage. He/She is officially a fetus now. Yay! And it's taking on a more human look. Unfortunately for me, I haven't graduated from the first trimester signs and symptoms just yet. As far as I know, nausea and vomiting is getting worse. I can't seem to hold down everything I take in. I'm hungry all the time. I have heartburn. And if I do eat a little, I just throw up everything, even if it's water. I still want to sleep all the time. I burp all the time. I pass gas. I want to eat sweets but they just make me throw up. What to do?!?!

Trust me, I've tried everything I've learned in college. Small frequent feedings, eating crackers, no oily foods, etc etc etc. Nothing works. Sometimes I feel like I have reached my limit. Or so I thought.

I'm always thirsty, by the way. I want to drink gallons and gallons of water. But I can't. Everything that I put inside my tummy makes me throw up. Haaaay.

Sometimes I feel like I do not have the right to complain because I did this. You know, there are those moments that we need our moms because we feel like we can't take all these symptoms at once. But we just can't.

I think, aside from a broken heart, a scraped knee, or a wounded pride, pregnancy signs and symptoms, labor and delivery are also one of the events in our lives that we need our mothers. I just hope that our mothers, instead of laughing at us, enjoying our pains, should empathize with us. They've been through this. We need their support. If they don't have anything therapeutic to say, SOMETIMES, SILENCE is.

I just hope these symptoms that are holding me down the past 4 weeks would subside in the next 3 weeks. Please lang because I feel dehydrated, I am very hungry, I am always tired and I feel like biting everyone's head off. I haven't gotten out of the house in 2 weeks because the sun just makes me dizzy and nauseous.

On a lighter note:
Everything about this quote really holds true.

"What goes around, comes around."

That is all.

,
dee

I'm preggo and I know it.

September 13, 2012

So the word's out. I'm preggo. Haha. Yes, it's that funny. Well, I guess it's not really that funny. Ironic, maybe is a better word knowing that I am a nurse and I still managed to get myself knocked up. Oh well. I am not about to give you a play by play of how and why I got pregnant. I supposed we all know how it's done. What's done is done and we all have to answer to the consequences of our actions. Am I right or am I right?

We all know that pregnancies out of wedlock are unplanned. Mine is no different. But I believed right from the start that if I ever get preggers this year, God has other plans for me.

I am still in a state of denial. Don't get me wrong. It's just that I am still in the phase where I'd wake up in the morning and think "ohmygosh! I'm pregnant!"

Yes, this is unplanned. But it doesn't mean I am not happy. I am happy not because I'd be given special treatment in offices, taxi stands, etc. but because I was given this chance to be a mother. Almost everyone gets to be a mom. But I didn't want to be a part of the few who only wished to be one.

Yes, I am unemployed and I don't have a money on my name. That didn't stop me from doing what's right. I know eventually, things will turn out for the better. If not now, later. I have enough patience for that.

I know some people would say that it's sayang since I have plans for Oz, for whatever was in store for me there. I also know that my beliefs are different from other people. Yes, I was scared at first when the first wave of nausea attacked and i was even more frightened when I saw the double lines on the pregnancy test. I cried. And then I wiped my tears away, touch my belly and said, let's pray that everything's going to be alright for everyone. I BBMd Jev a photo of the PT with the caption: Congrats, daddy!
And I went on with the rest of my day.



Oh I was scared. Beyond scared, I was petrified!!! But i know i made the right choice by telling my family and just letting everything fall into place. I know deep in my heart that I made the right decision to keep my baby. If there's anything I should be courageous about, it's fighting for the life of this innocent baby inside me.

So I don't think that my life has gone to waste now that I have to let go of that Aussie dream to have this kid. I don't want to think about the what-ifs because knowing that a few months from now, something so small could make me smile amidst the troubles of this world we're living in.

And some of you may ask: Why didn't you get rid of it?

I didn't because it's the result of what I did, why should I let someone innocent pay for it? Yes the world is cruel but it's also beautiful.

This path I am choosing won't be easy. I know that. But I'm not the only one. I am not alone. I have my family, my friends and Jev. I may have caused them disappointments but this baby is a gift and I welcome him/her with arms wide open.

I am 6 weeks and 4 days now. A couple of days ago, I had my very first prenatal check up and had my transvaginal ultrasound. Seeing that thing on the screen made me tear up. What was more amazing was hearing its strong heart beat. 158bpm. It was beyond wonderful, truly a miracle.

yes, i'm not a hundred percent ready to be pregnant, let alone be a mom. But somehow, I just know that I will be. What are the first trimester and the rest of my pregnancy for, right? And besides, everything in this world is a process. And I am a work in progress.

Good luck to me!!!

xoxo,
dee

My Australian Adventures

I don't even know why I feel the need to have a bajillion blog sites. Haha I guess I am OC (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, if you don't know that, well, what's GOOGLE for, right?) that way.

I don't quite remember now why I even made "The Australian Adventures of Super Daloidoi". I guess I was just too excited a few months back to live here temporarily. haha Silly me. I have less posts there because I just lack the inspiration and the zest to put everything out there. Haha So the link is right there, the one on the left, on the LEARN MORE ABOUT ME section, it's the ellipse (...) just below the 365 project. Haha I just realized now that I could have just typed or copy-pasted the link here. How stupid of me, *slaps forehead. haha I feel like I just had a brain freeze.
So if you're interested, here's the link: http://loideeinoz.wordpress.com

Don;t expect too much from it since I haven't updated my blogs, that much. I've been trying as hell to adjust, adapt and be Aussie in the best way i can. Well, not Aussie and not forgetting about my being Pinoy. How do I explain it? It's like being open to the Aussie way and keep my being Pinoy inside the bag. Am i making any sense? Sometimes, I just confuse myself.

I am such a hopeless case. Haha

So starting today, i vow to update my blogs, this and the wordpress one. i will try to update everyday. i have enough materials since i have 5weeks worth of things/experiences to blog about.

I hope I have the will to do just that. and the time. and the inclination.

Haha

Ciao

Happiness

Seeing our loved ones happy because of what we give them.

Is it possible for them to let us be happy?

Or are they too selfish to let us experience that?

Is it right to be selfish once in awhile? I mean, it's not all the time that we go and try to make things happen for us.

Maybe i don't want to be very wealthy. Maybe all I ever wanted was to be happy.

Isn't that enough?

You know, to be happy?

Do we really need more?

Do i really need to save everyone else but myself?

Epiphany on Easter

Love, Like everything else in this world, is fleeting. I am very much aware that when it comes to loving, the possibility of pain is inevitable. Now, I have reached the point of no return, where I am so in love with someone that I am willing to defy almost everything just to continue to have that love.

And while my heart is continuing to hold on to this love, my mind is trying to grasp to whatever's left of my sanity. And like any other woman in love, I'm trying to make things work both ways, practically and emotionally. But vulnerable as I am, I'm pretty sure that I will follow what my heart dictates. i will try to make it work.

Sometimes i wish I am not my parents' daughter. They just expect too much from me. Is it even possible to follow what my heart tells me? Or should I just listen to what they think is right for me? I don't want to wake up one day, regretting why I did not follow my heart and instead followed what they thought was right.

I have seen and met a lot of people and they have their own stories to tell. I don't want to be like the ones who sold their souls to the devil for a million bucks and realizing one day that money really can't buy happiness.

Of course, material things can make us happy. But until when? Would having Hermes, Gucci, Louis Vuitton help you sleep at night? Or sleeping in the arms f the one you love would?

But at the end of the day, the decision is up to me: who should i put first, my family's happiness and security, or mine?

Which weighs more?

I just hope that i won't reach the point wherein I have to choose between the two.

Yes, I am idealistic that way. I wish to have everything. I dream to be happy with the one I love and to make my family satisfied as well.

But are they willing to give up their dreams for my happiness?

Je t'aime

Falling in love has been one of the greatest things that ever happened to me this year. I am so happy in love that I feel the people in Facebook are annoyed by the constant display of affection that my, uhmm, boyfriend and I post.. Hahahaha, I'm still in the process of getting used to saying that word.
Nevertheless, the mere fact that I "finally" have someone to call my own never fails to make me smile.
The details of how we came about is limited to the people who I care enough to explain it to. I really don't want to indulge people. You know, it's perfectly healthy to keep a few things to ourselves. The perennial public display of corniness is enough. I feel like people are starting to gag anyway.
A couple of months ago, I blogged about how I want his year to turn out, I wrote:

"... and I would move mountains just to relearn what falling in love and being loved felt like."

"... and I really do want to make it a year filled with wonderful beginnings."

Wonderful beginning, it is. Every time I think about it, it makes me smile and giddy as a school girl. I bet people can see a slight change in me. I guess I am happier. Well, I am now than I was a month ago.
And if there's any good that a scarred person like me could ever get out of this relationship aside from love and happiness, it's the ability to trust a person once again. Trusting him with my heart which I failed to do the past couple of years.Let's not get into that. Haha
I have learned a lot about pain, happiness, love and life the past weeks. Everything happened so fast that sometimes I stop and ask myself if it's really real. And this I have to say, "You don't have to eat the entire cake just to know how it tastes." Well, it is. haha And every time I say the words I love you, it amazes me just how I truly mean it. In short, love has turned me into a major cheese ball. haha Cousins and friends have texted, pm'd and personally told me just how super corny my status updates and tweets are. And of course, they also asked me why the hell are my posts in Tagalog. Well, I blame it on Twitter not because boyfie is one. ahaha I thank the heavens above for creating copy-paste. Unsaon ta man, ako Tagalog, kindergarten level ra jud. Mao ra ang kaya sa ako brain.
Did I mention that I am at my happiest now? Oh  yeah, I did. Some might say that love or being in a relationship is not easy-breezy. I know. Basta right now, I can't complain. hahaha I am, after all, happy. I just wish I'd grow up. bwahaha I am the most immature person I know. haha
oh well.
I bet you can find a gazillion I love you's and I miss you's on my timeline. hahaha Mary Rose Matibag is keeping track. Daisy, as well. Oh noooo.  I really am turning into a major-major corn ball na. Sala jud ni ni Jev!!! hahaha Okay, okay. I won't complain. I am happy baya!!! And I found what I've been looking for.

I guess it's true what they say, that good things come to those who wait.

Pahk. English.

:D

2 months post-op

Sometimes I forget that I had surgery last January until I see the diagonal scar on my upper right abdomen. Too bad, Contractubex doesn't really work. So much for the few hundreds my mother spent on the useless tube of stinky gunk.

Updates and whatnot:

I'm in Leyte now but tomorrow I won't be. haha
Supine position, how I miss you but I'm so used to not being able to do you that I forgot how I loved you.
I am in love with Jev P. Tudio. And in a relationship. MAS CHAAAAAR.

And yes, I finally have above 7 band score on my IELTS exam. THANK GOODNESS.
And no, I really don't know when I'm leaving. haha

It really feels good to finally find someone who loves me for me, flaws and all. Nakakataba ng puso. Haha The late night calls and texts, everything. The distance doesn't really faze me. I don't know why. I am perfectly comfortable with it. Of course, the idea of being together excites me and I really can not deny the fact that I want to be with him. Although not now but soon. I just hope that the universe would conspire for us to be together. (The Alchemist ang peg.)

Even though everything happened so fast, I still don't have regrets because I was able to think things through. The last thing I need is to make half-thought  decisions. And as I've said before, I am ready to love again. And no, just because I was ready doesn't mean that I would be with the first guy who showed interest.

And prior to making the decision, i really did not seek advice from friends and cousins so that when I do make the choice, it's not because I was influenced by other people but because it was my decision. :D And whether the people around me liked it or not, they really don't have enough of a choice but to accept whatever it is that I decided on.

Icing on the cake na lang that they are so happy of the change of status that I have. I'm just glad that I have supporting friends/cousins. At least, kampante ko. And not to mention that i have the most understanding boyfriend ever. hahaha

Bottomline:
Although I really don't know God's plans for us, I still hope that we'd last. :D In love ang peg.
And I am at my happiest right now.

xoxo,
dee

Ready to Love Again - Lady Antebellum

So I guess it's safe to say that I am ready to love again. :D after all these years. Insha-Allah!

So, I'm turning 25

I will be turning the big 25 in a couple of weeks and to tell you honestly, I have no idea what to do. I was in my intensive review earlier today when all of a sudden, I stopped listening to the cd that was playing and just started scribbling notes on a scratch paper. As a result, I had no idea what the answers were for that listening module we just had. I have problems with attention. No, I don't have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). I was just a little preoccupied with a few things in my life or mind right now. The same thing happened during my Reading test. I am hopeless.

When my review ended, it was drizzling, still I decided to walk all the way to Robinson's and ride the jeep from there. It's always when I'm walking along the busy streets of Cebu and not in the comforts of the house I am currently living in that my mind goes on blogging/journal/diary mode. It's like a switch has been turned on and words would flow freely in my brain waiting to be typed into my blogs. Everytime I am inside the jeep or bus or any type of transportation, my mind works. I tried to retain everything that went through my brain, tried not to forget the people I saw, places I've seen, emotions I felt. More often  than not, I would forget, leaving a feeling of loss, the loss of what was supposed to be a wonderful observation/event/realization. 

So, I am turning 25. I have yet to do something utterly remarkable in my life. Some might say that I already have.

Like what? I asked.

They'd say that I :

• finished college
• passed the board exams
• did some charity works
• have done with the corporal works of mercy
• did some of the spiritual works of mercy
• experienced a few things
• et cetera, et cetera, et cetera

Graduating was so 2008 and passing the NLE has an expiration date and mine had passed. We can't always rely on the things we did to add meaning to our life. For me, we should always find ways to add MORE meaning into it. 

Yes, I am such a freaking failure for not being able to find a stable job and it has been four freaking years since graduation. And yes, some of my batch mates have gone to the places where the pasture is greener. BUT, no matter what they say, I still do not have regrets why my life has turned out the way it did. 

I enjoyed my life. I spent time with my loved ones (friends and family), discovered new places, tried new things, made mistakes and learned from them.

We all have different views in life. We all lead dissimilar lives. What may be fitting to others may not be for us.

The past eight years or so, I struggled to understand people, their actions and thoughts. I am continually amazed by the inconsistency of their words and actions, especially the lies and pretensions. In my attempt to understand them, I tried to picture myself in their situation: what would I do? What would I say? How would I react? Then the more pressing questions: What SHOULD I do? What SHOULD I say? How SHOULD I react?

Then I realized that there are a lot of factors affecting the way we live, socialize and deal with people. Society dictates how we live our lives. And you know what's sad? WE LET IT.

So I struggled some more. I refused to apply in hospitals, call centers, basically, any job. Some may call this slacking off but I call it living life.

At 17, I started going out with friends in clubs and bars, dancing and drinking the night away. Now, after seven years of partying and drinking here and there, I have come to the point when going out means chilling with friends at McDonald's, Starbucks or Bo's. 

I lived my life with the sole purpose of enjoying everything as they come. I enjoyed night-outs. I drank til I couldn't take it anymore. And I'm not sure if I should bite my tongue or not, but I have reached my limit. Not because I just had an operation but I really think that I experienced most of the things that drunk and party people should experience. Sa Bisaya pa, nag-takas nako.

Of course, I will still go out and party but not as much as I used to. What my parents, relatives, older friends and people told me really holds true. We only understand things at a certain age. 

No, I am not slacking off. In fact, I am doing my best to enjoy life. Maybe you, my friends, have been slacking off because you've been too busy working your asses off and saving moolah that you've forgotten that life isn't always about having the most money or having the best job. Sometimes it's all about dropping what you are doing, taking a deep breath and enjoying the view. 

Oh yeah, maybe you'd think that when will I work my arse off? You'll see. I will, in time. But while I'm still waiting for my turn, I have yet to enjoy life because I just know, when I work, I will work. I wouldn't miss out anymore on the gimmicks, et cetera because I'm done, I've enjoyed that part of my life already.

As one of my close priest friends said, "There is a time for everything. Give everything a room in your life. A room for sleep. A room for fun. A room for work. A room for anything. That way, when you look back in your life, you could say that you lived it the best way you could."

What wise words, right?

So, I'm turning 25. I am not a failure. I am not a success. YET. But I'm pretty sure I will be. IN GOD'S PERFECT TIME. Let's exercise the power of positive thinking and mind over matter. Haha

I hope I was able to share with you a different and crazy perspective about life and life.

Have fun now!

xo,

DEE

Canigao Weekend

It's been a week since my family and I went to Southern Leyte to have some family bonding before my cousin, Al, and his brand new wife ,Rachelle, went back to Germany. We're kind of a big family and imagine us going on a trip. Haha. Pretty costly, especially the gas and the food since we require plenty of them. You see, my family is the kind who does not skimp on food. Di bale na na wala'y new clothes, car, house, et cetera as long as we have plenty of food on the table and inside the refrigerator. Gets? haha

We had a very early start last Saturday. We woke up around 4 in the morning to prepare and we left for Sogod, Southern Leyte around 5:30 AM. We had a pit stop in Baybay to buy softdrinks, bread and whatnots. We arrived in Agas-agas around 8am.

Only two of my cousins tried the zipine, the rest were such wimps. HAHA. Myself included. We took photos and we had breakfast al fresco a.k.a. in the parking lot. Then off to Matalom then Canigao Island.

We had lunch, toured the island, swam, then we went home.

And last Sunday, we went to Soob Mountain Resort in town. I wasn't able to take photos since it was raining. boo.

it was a fun weekend.

xoxo,
DEE

Sto. Nino Feeding Program 2012 Part ii

Last January 22, 2012, we had the second leg of our feeding program in one of our barangay's sitios, Lower Calingatnan.

This is the second time that we had this feeding program but I was not able to attend the first one since I was still in the hospital at that time. I just had my surgery so I was not allowed to take part of it.

I am so proud of what my cousins and relatives have achieved at the start of this year. We may not have the financial resources to start this but we definitely have the heart. Kudos to us!!!

I hope we could still do this next year.

For the meantime, enjoy this video I took during the feeding program.

God Bless y'all!

xoxo,

DEE

CEBOOM, CEBOOM. Sha-la-la-la-la

I Am back in Cebu! Oh yeah! and I am going home tomorrow because my family and relatives are going to Canigao Island. Woo-hoo.

I had nothing better to do so yeah I was bored.

Today is Gabb's fourth month and we celebrated it with Chocolate Mousse ccake and Greenwich lasagna.

Here's a series of photos of Gabbie and I.

Happy Four Months Gabbie!!!!

A Time to Eat

What a day! What a day, I tell you! I've been eating like there's no tomorrow. But I feel so guilt-free. I am not food-deprived but I've been avoiding pork and other oily/fatty foods for a month now. Today, I felt like eating pork, specifically, LECHON, Inasal, or whatever you call it.

Imagine daw, not eating muy delicioso fatty and oily food for a long time, yes you'll get used to it but before that, you'll miss eating them that it makes eating stewed veggies, sutukil and other dishes feel like eating cardboard. Eventually, I got sick eating healthy food. Eck!

So today, I ate lechon. It's all I ate  for lunch plus cassava with coconut milk and sugar, sweet potato and pineapple and a little bit of rice. But all in moderation. I really don't want to have Dumping Syndrome so I made sure I only had enough lechon. You see, most post-chole patients experience diarrhea after eating fatty food. I haven't experienced that except during immediate post-op. I really consider myself lucky. Thank you God for always hearing my prayers. And thank you for not letting Fr. Felix pinch my incision site. He was an inch away from it. Grrrr.

Asa ka ngtan-aw, Fr. Felix? BWAHAHAHA

After we heard mass, we went to Ormoc to attend Fr. Soon's birthday dinner. I didn't eat lechon anymore because I've had my share during lunch. What I did was... tan-tadadan!!! CARBO-LOADING. haha I ate spaghetti and carbonara, pancake-looking thingy, empanada, chocolate cupcake and halo-halo.

Me. Me and Zhai. Us with the birthday boy, Fr, Dennis Soon.

Guests-turned-entertainers. Daisy and Zhai singing "Fireworks".

After dinner, it was still too early to go home. We decided to chill a bit at Bebidas. They had Strawberry Daquiri and poor me had to settle for Raspmocha Frappe. As it turned out, they ended up drinking my frappe because they had enough of alcohol. bwahahaha

Me and my Raspmocha Frappe from Bebidas Ormoc.

After half a pitcher of Strawberry Daquiri.

All in all, it was a food-filled day for me. I am so full I could barely fit in my underwear. BWAHAHAHA. I am currently experiencing shortness of breath due to excessive food intake. GLUTTONY na ni dai. hahaha

Things I realized today:

• It doesn't matter what others think. As long as you know who you are, what you are capable of, what they say is unimportant. 
• It's nice to be child-like, especially if dealing with conflicts. :D
• That humility is the way to go.
• To just let things be. 
• What goes around, comes around.
• No matter how much goodness you try to pass around in this world, some people are still bound to share badness. Sometimes even under a disguise.
• Money turns people into jerks/assholes.
• Some people are just plastic, naturally. Meaning INBORN and ka-plastikan. 

Enough of this crap.

It's almost midnight already. It's time to sleep. Tomorrow is another day and I swear I'm not going to waste it by thinking about useless stuff. Tomorrow will be w very productive day. :D

Goodnight, Southeast Asia!!!

Good Morning, America!!!

Good Afternoon, Oman!!!

Good Day, World!!!

XO,

Dee

I Love Taruc

I never liked people who gossip ALL THE TIME. Or the ones who have nothing better to do than watch out for people to screw up then talk about it. Or the ones who made talking about other people their lifetime job.

The statement above is totally unrelated with my post. Or is it?

Anyway, I love Taruc. I love where I came from and I am proud to be Tarucanon. No matter where I go, I will always come back here. This is HOME.

Sometime back in 2011, after so much pondering, I decided to make a page for Taruc where all the Tarucanons can interact no matter where they are in the world. My goal is to keep them updated about everything. Just like NOKIA, Connecting People. Hihihi. I know, I'm so funny, right? Pwede nako mag-apply sa 22nd St.? Bwahahaha

So before I made it official, I had to make sure that I can fully work on this page, update it regularly, so on and so forth. At first, I was the only administrator of the page and later on, I realized that I can not do it on my own. I need help from people who are actually IN Taruc. Kahibaw na man mo, NPA (No Permanent Address) baya ko. bwahaha So I asked some people if they are willing to be admins and that if they can do the responsibilities it entails. Despite their busy school schedules and household chores, they were able to update the page every now and then. We have a few activities up our sleeves and we're slowly trying to  work on them. God-willing, it will take place within this year.

One project we have done successfully is the Sto. Nino Feeding Program spearheaded by my cousin, Ate Jenjen (cousin-in-law, hihihi). Without the support of our fellow Tarucanons here and abroad, the two feeding programs we had in Taruc Proper and Lower Calingatnan would not have been possible. So once again, from the deepest recesses of my hypothalamus, A VERY BIG THANK YOU!

I am proud to say that we didn't use a single centavo for personal gains. We have proper liquidation posted and we did our program with a very honest heart and with the sole purpose of feeding the children living in our barangay. So with that, I hope we gained the trust of the people to help us again with yet another feeding program next year. We are all thinking of making it an annual activity. We are accepting volunteers to do the survey and for helping in the preparation of the said project. Whatever's left of the money we had, we donated it for the children's snacks during the Sinulog dance contest in Albuera. So not a single centavo was wasted.

In relation to this, we are also accepting orders for t-shirt printing. We have three designs now, one being the "I <3 Taruc" design and the other two are still on the works. If you have inquiries regarding the orders and printing, please don't hesitate to send me a message in Facebook, Twitter or Tumblr, and if you do have my number, just text me. :D

Forgive my fat-face. hihihi And my very existent eyebags. 

WITH THIS, I AM HAVING A CONTEST GIVEAWAY.

Here's what you have to do:
1. Like the Facebook Page
2. Join the Facebook Group
3. Post an edited photo of the Sinulog dance that took place last Saturday on the Facebook page and include the phrase: "More fun in Taruc."

The winner will be chosen through drawn by lots. The winner will be notified through personal message. He/she will win a t-shirt with his/her design of choice (choose from the three designs above).

OOOPS: Here's the catch. YOU HAVE TO BE A TARUCANON. Meaning, mag-uli-an kag Taruc, Katipunan, Calingatnan. Or imo mga kadugo kay from these places. Or naminyo kag taga-Taruc. Capiche?

Join now and have the chance to win a Tarucanon T-shirt.

xoxo,
DEE

Sinulog in Albuera

We just had our first ever Sinulog celebration earlier today. There was street dancing around the town, followed by the Sinulog dance contest in the rotunda. There were only four contingents: Balugo, Canlalin, Sto. Nino, and from our barangay, San Pedro. Our kids were practicing every night and they were pretty excited to perform.

Sad to say, our group placed third. But oh well, you win some, you lose some, right?
 I don't really know who won or lost. I must say, I couldn't care less. What matters is that they did their best and we know we deserve better. It's notsomuch as sportsmanship, I think it's more on being fair and just.

As much as I wanted to say more I just have to stop myself, not because I am afraid but I just don't want people to take what I write/post out of context.

Anyway... GOOD VIBES... Good Vibes... Good vibes...

Here are the photos that I took today.

Effin Safari is acting up and keep on busting my uploads. I'll just upload the photos when I have the time tomorrow. :D

Chill people. :D

Peace out!
DEE

Updates and Whatnot

I ran out of stuff to do and write about. So what now?

Hahaha

Last Friday, we went to my brother's house in the city because they celebrated their fiesta. It was a typical Pinoy Fiesta. hihihi

I love FIshtail. bwahahaha

I was MIA most of the time because I stayed inside to chat with my cousin. So yeah, I basically missed the whole party. thankyouverymuch.

I'm still vain. bwahaha I took a few photos when we got home from Ormoc.

We also had the part ii of our feeding program last Sunday. It was a success and I hope we could host another program next year. We're hoping to raise Php 100,000 because we're aiming for more people to feed. We were able to give out 580 kids from our barangay and its sitios. I am so thankful for the people who donated and the ones responsible for making the program possible.

We had a few games. This being one of them. Believe me, it's not that easy to keep the spoon in my mouth. bwahaha

It would be lovely to make these kids smile, even for just awhile.

Expressing their gratitude.

The Staff. The people who made it possible.

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THE FEEDING PROGRAM A HUGE SUCCESS.

On to other things.

Nang Belen, Noy Loloy and Marie are going back to New Zealand in a couple of days so they had their send off party last night. They served seafood and I was in Food Heaven. Everything was just muy deliciouso!!! There was dancing and everyone's just having a great time. Imma post the video I took on youtube ASAP. 

I have couple of videos to be posted on YouTube. I will post em as soon as I can. Plus some dancing vids I took last night. I really need to buy that Sanyo Video Cam. Come February, Imma buy you!!!

I wore my hair in bun the whole afternoon. I used the spin pins I bought last December and I love em!

I was bored as pack last night I ended up playing with Photobooth yet again. Bwahahaha

At first the photos was just like this one.

I don;t know what i was thinking. Bwahhaha I look really weird. 

I scare myself sometimes.

Oh well. My parents are going to Ilocos Sur tomorrow and stay there for 5 days. I decided not to leave for Cebu tomorrow since noone will be home the next five days if I did go.

Oh well what a boring post about a very boring week.

I need a change of scene.

Please buy me a one-way ticket to the moon.

xoxo,

dee