So, I'm turning 25

I will be turning the big 25 in a couple of weeks and to tell you honestly, I have no idea what to do. I was in my intensive review earlier today when all of a sudden, I stopped listening to the cd that was playing and just started scribbling notes on a scratch paper. As a result, I had no idea what the answers were for that listening module we just had. I have problems with attention. No, I don't have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). I was just a little preoccupied with a few things in my life or mind right now. The same thing happened during my Reading test. I am hopeless.

When my review ended, it was drizzling, still I decided to walk all the way to Robinson's and ride the jeep from there. It's always when I'm walking along the busy streets of Cebu and not in the comforts of the house I am currently living in that my mind goes on blogging/journal/diary mode. It's like a switch has been turned on and words would flow freely in my brain waiting to be typed into my blogs. Everytime I am inside the jeep or bus or any type of transportation, my mind works. I tried to retain everything that went through my brain, tried not to forget the people I saw, places I've seen, emotions I felt. More often  than not, I would forget, leaving a feeling of loss, the loss of what was supposed to be a wonderful observation/event/realization. 

So, I am turning 25. I have yet to do something utterly remarkable in my life. Some might say that I already have.

Like what? I asked.

They'd say that I :

• finished college
• passed the board exams
• did some charity works
• have done with the corporal works of mercy
• did some of the spiritual works of mercy
• experienced a few things
• et cetera, et cetera, et cetera

Graduating was so 2008 and passing the NLE has an expiration date and mine had passed. We can't always rely on the things we did to add meaning to our life. For me, we should always find ways to add MORE meaning into it. 

Yes, I am such a freaking failure for not being able to find a stable job and it has been four freaking years since graduation. And yes, some of my batch mates have gone to the places where the pasture is greener. BUT, no matter what they say, I still do not have regrets why my life has turned out the way it did. 

I enjoyed my life. I spent time with my loved ones (friends and family), discovered new places, tried new things, made mistakes and learned from them.

We all have different views in life. We all lead dissimilar lives. What may be fitting to others may not be for us.

The past eight years or so, I struggled to understand people, their actions and thoughts. I am continually amazed by the inconsistency of their words and actions, especially the lies and pretensions. In my attempt to understand them, I tried to picture myself in their situation: what would I do? What would I say? How would I react? Then the more pressing questions: What SHOULD I do? What SHOULD I say? How SHOULD I react?

Then I realized that there are a lot of factors affecting the way we live, socialize and deal with people. Society dictates how we live our lives. And you know what's sad? WE LET IT.

So I struggled some more. I refused to apply in hospitals, call centers, basically, any job. Some may call this slacking off but I call it living life.

At 17, I started going out with friends in clubs and bars, dancing and drinking the night away. Now, after seven years of partying and drinking here and there, I have come to the point when going out means chilling with friends at McDonald's, Starbucks or Bo's. 

I lived my life with the sole purpose of enjoying everything as they come. I enjoyed night-outs. I drank til I couldn't take it anymore. And I'm not sure if I should bite my tongue or not, but I have reached my limit. Not because I just had an operation but I really think that I experienced most of the things that drunk and party people should experience. Sa Bisaya pa, nag-takas nako.

Of course, I will still go out and party but not as much as I used to. What my parents, relatives, older friends and people told me really holds true. We only understand things at a certain age. 

No, I am not slacking off. In fact, I am doing my best to enjoy life. Maybe you, my friends, have been slacking off because you've been too busy working your asses off and saving moolah that you've forgotten that life isn't always about having the most money or having the best job. Sometimes it's all about dropping what you are doing, taking a deep breath and enjoying the view. 

Oh yeah, maybe you'd think that when will I work my arse off? You'll see. I will, in time. But while I'm still waiting for my turn, I have yet to enjoy life because I just know, when I work, I will work. I wouldn't miss out anymore on the gimmicks, et cetera because I'm done, I've enjoyed that part of my life already.

As one of my close priest friends said, "There is a time for everything. Give everything a room in your life. A room for sleep. A room for fun. A room for work. A room for anything. That way, when you look back in your life, you could say that you lived it the best way you could."

What wise words, right?

So, I'm turning 25. I am not a failure. I am not a success. YET. But I'm pretty sure I will be. IN GOD'S PERFECT TIME. Let's exercise the power of positive thinking and mind over matter. Haha

I hope I was able to share with you a different and crazy perspective about life and life.

Have fun now!

xo,

DEE

Is it time to grow up?

Is it time to grow up?

I have a long list of wants in my life. My current obsession is the Promod Boots. A few days ago, I asked my Tiyo Nito if it's possible for him to buy me those boots. He said yes. I didn't tell him the price, of course. He'd probably faint if he'd know. Anyway, after days of dreaming about those boots, he finally gave me the money to buy them. He still doesn't know how much it costs. He gave me enough money to last me through December. He also told me not to ask for allowance from my mother anymore. I have been excited for days to buy them. But I realized that I don't need the boots right now. Maybe I'd just have to wait for the store to have their yearly clearance sale. Maybe then I could get the boots at a lesser price. But if that day comes and it's already gone, I guess it's not for me.

I was in Natio Ayala last Saturday with Eric. I passed a middle adult woman with her grandson. He was holding a toy. Kana gani you'd write on it and ma-erase ra pod siya? I don't know what's it called. Anyway, the little boy went to his ate and showed her the thing and asked, "Ate, pila ni siya?" The girl smiled but before she could respond the boy asked her, "Mahal na siya?" She smiled again and said yes. The boy looked crushed. And it only costs Php119.

And looking at the boy's expression crushed my heart, too. I had been lucky. When I was his age, I almost always get what I want. From toys to chocolates. I never really thought about the other kids who have almost nothing. Understandably, I still hadn't developed my Superego. I felt sorry for that kid. I still do. I wish I could have done something. This is exactly the kind of regret that I don't want to have. It makes me feel like a selfish and a lesser person. Especially now that I'm obsessing with those expensive boots and some people don't even have anything decent to eat. For the longest time, I have been wasting money. Not even thinking that they don't just grow on trees. Sometimes I do think about how my family works hard to give me a better life. Better than what they had when they were my age. But sometimes, when I am away from home, I tend to forget. And I know it's not right.

A few days to go and I'll be taking the NLE. After that, I will be forced to be responsible for myself, to grow up. Even if I don't want to. I have to. Whatever the result of the exam, I have to fend for myself na. No more wasting time. It's time to give back what was given to me.

PAYBACK.

Is it time to grow up?

Maybe. I don't know.

whole year wish list

yeah i know.. my cousin, espee posted her own christmas list. Manundog ko!!

che!

I just got back from AYala. SALE! unfortunately, i dont have the right to ask for shopping money. Coz obviously if they do, i'd just spent em on useless things. Like my purple boots that i got from Promod earlier this year. I only wore it inside the car on our way to Burauen, Leyte and the day before my father's bday. It's purple! lisud kau ang pgmix and match..

anyway, we went inside Promod to check their new boot collection. being fall and all.. I FELL IN LOVE with their new style.. UGG-like boots I tell you.. I LAVEEETT jd! i fitted it. size 38. sakto jud kaau!! LAVEEETT!! I had it reserved.. hopefully I'd be able to buy it.. SPONSORS!!!

I feel feverish just thinking about those black boots... hmmmm...

thats number 1 on my list.. this pair looks good with leggings or tights. and its not init to wear..

2. Twilight books.. all four.. and we do have tickets for the movie..weee... 1st screening.. hehe



3. SIDEKICK...



4. SLR...any will do... basta SLR.. hehe

5. DAvao and Manila trips. family members required.. hehe its gonna be the funnest and most memorable trip of our lives.. im gonna drive y'all insane.. hehehe

I change my mind.. the boots are number 2 on my list... NUMBER 1 : Passing the board exam.. hopefully.... unta jud!! please lang..

make this a whole life wishlist... tsk tsk tsk...

this is the UGG boots that i absolutely adore!!!

Things to do in my life

I guess everybody has their own list except me. I've never really thought of making myself one. Mine was more of a mental note and sometimes I'd forget them pa jud. But this time, I thought why not make a blog about it. I've got nothing to lose anyway.

But before that, I just have to get this out of my system. What years 2007 and 2008 has been for me.

What years, I tell you. All the possible feelings or emotions and things, I felt during these years. Extreme happiness, extreme sadness (to the point of mild depression), anger, rage, jealousy, security, suspicions, happiness, contentment, satisfaction, betrayal, lies, pride, uncertainty, helplessness, courage, hope, faith, love, strength, success...

and the list goes on.

but with that,life goes on as well.

I made a lot of mistakes in my life. I am entitled to that. I learned from them. I learned from life, and love.

But I have to keep going. Life goes on.

Life is too beautiful to just let it go to waste.

so with these I hereby post the things i want to do in my life.

(not really in order)

pass the board exam (hopefully one take lng)- this marks the start of my life. i mean really. passing this exam will open a lot of doors for me.
find a good job abroad- I really hope i could find a satisfying job abroad. uknow why. dont have to elaborate on this one.
Have my own place,own car (settled,established,stable)- with all these things in my hand, I could start helping my less fortunate cousins and relatives. afterall, they're the reason why dapat ko maniguro.
Visit a few cities in the states: NY, California and Hawaii among others.- I really want to visit these places since I was in High school.
Travel to Europe- Need I say more? Its EUROPE dahling. everybody wants to go there.
Buy myself a trusty SLR, digicam, videocam.- to capture the beauty of the places that Im about to visit. (wahaha ambitious much?) and yes, self-portrait.
Roadtrip around the country.- I love my country. I love the Philippines. I love its beaches. And Im proud to be a Filipino (wlay kwenta na blog!)
Be a RED CROSS volunteer and Go to Africa- It has been a dream of mine to go there and help all those kids who have AIDS and those abused women.
things are subject to change without prior notice.

and pde ra pod mapun-an.

insatiable being.