mylot

Monday, September 26, 2011

The Randomness of it all

Random thoughts: Too Long to Tweet, Too short to be a blog of its own


  • A Bucketlist within a Bucketlist

          I made one last night and now, I realized that some of the things in my list have a list within. For example, I want to live in Italy for some time. Of course there are a gazillion of things I'd love to do there. Like travel around the country and eat everything. Haha. That's what I always do when I travel to other places, I eat their food. It's one way of taking in the culture, through their food. Another thing I'd love to do is to watch gladiators fight and try to look for hot gladiators. hahaha I guess I got inspired too much by the novel by Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love. And the thing that I'm most looking forward to is eat gelato, pizza and pasta all the time. HAHA I also realized that I've got so much to do and I feel like life is soooo short that I gotta make the most of it.


  • An Unexpected call from someone I miss so dearly.
          After enroling for a seminar in super busy Jakosalem early this afternoon, Nanay Onon and I went to Germaine's school. It was rather unplanned since we weren't supposed to fetch her but seeing the time as close to her dismissal, we did and Nanay was threatened by the presence of two gangly boys with close to bloodshot eyes we hurriedly exited the jeepney we were riding. I got hungry (I always am) and we decided to have our snacks at Anton's Brew, a small cafe near Hijas. As soon as I finished eating, I got a call from an unlisted number. I kinda knew who it was. How I missed Eric so much! My life changed since he left. I became less irritable, mind you. HAHA. Talking to him made me miss him more. Sure, life was fun with him physically in it. 

  • Family Feuds
          I learned yesterday that my brother and one of cousins had a heated argument over something that has been going on for weeks now. I'm rather upset because no one even dared to tell me what was going on. Even the people that I trusted. I deserved to know. They had to tell me, BUT THEY DIDN'T. That's what made me so upset. Was I not worth the TRUTH? Up until now, nahiubos gihapon ko because this is not the only time that this happened. The initial argument happened July or August. They didn't tell me too, saying that they didn't know what happened which in truth, they knew. Plus the latest incident. Naa ra man ko'y right malain dba?

  • Have some balls
          I am not saying that people should take sides. I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe people have to express what's going on in their minds. Okaaaay. I'm doing this the wrong way. Maybe I should express this in my native tongue. Okay here goes: Kung naay mga away-away especially if it involves family members, it's very important not to take sides. Kay mudako na nya ang gubot, dba? And if ever naay mga away-away, it's also essential na dili apilon ang wala'y labot sa away, regardless kung igsoon, inahan, amahan ug unsa pa na dha. RIGHT? Kung unsa'y away ninyo duha, inyo ra na duha. Ayaw apila ang wala'y apil ug most importantly, ayaw apila ang wala sa lugar. Dili kay mahibong na lang ta na dili na ta tagdon on the day that I just arrived. Heller., what could I have possibly done to them, RIGHT? Sure, the fuckin apple does not fall far from the fuckin apple tree but just because one apple has a worm in it doesn't mean that all the apples from that tree have, too. It's simple logic. Anyway, going back to the matter at hand. Nalain ko kay wala ko sultii and I am not satisfied sa rason ngano. I am intuitive. And most of the time, my instincts are real. It never failed me. So, sabta lang ngano nahiubos ko nimo. Kay dili ka gusto mag-apil-apil. What the fuck! They're both your cousins who fought in front of you. kung buot-huna-hunaon, close ka nila duha dba? ug CLOSE ta. Don't you owe it to me to tell me what's going on?

Correct me if I'm wrong. I am just overpowered by my emotions and PMS.


I am not even making sense.



Friday, September 23, 2011

I've never won a damn thing in my life until...

I've only won 3 things in my life.
I never joined contests whatsoever because I was shy, embarrassed even. Ingnaon pa lang, pagka-kanahan na lang jd nako.

The first prize I've ever won was Php 2,000 worth of groceries when my mother dragged me to Gaisano Riverside to join their bingo contest. Yes, I was too embarrassed to join so I got my bingo card and stayed hidden, well, partly. BTW, thanks to Irene Joyce for being there for moral support.

Fast forward to now.
As my friends and family know, I have been jumping from Taruc to Cebu since I don't know when. And as everyone close to me know, my partners-in-crime have left me to my own vices. Boo-hoo. So we promised to keep in touch through Skype, YM, FB or whatever that works for us. ANYWAY, one boring night, when my cousins, Espee and nang Caryl were planning her engagement party, I joined online contests last August. I joined A WHOLE BUNCH. I won one. The KFC So Good Moments. I won 500 worth of GC. Awesome, right? It's just 500 but hey, it's KFC. I love their gravy, their chicken, their everything. So I am happy. haha



Then last saturday, I was bored once again, and I searched and searched for new online contests. I found Pantene. But I am not a Pantene user, it gives me dandruff. So I've been using H&S since college. If I so much as use another shampoo for a couple of days, my head would start to itch. I mean ITCH. So I'm loyal to H&S. So i thought, internet is one of the most effective way to promote products and shows, maybe, just maybe they have a contest too. Lo and Behold, they did. What more can I do? I joined. And I won. But I can't go. hahaha I believe that God has a reason why I can't be there. I'm letting myself believe that He has something BIGGER in store for me. hahaha

Anyway, winning makes me want to join more contests. Who knows, I might just win a whole deal of money. hahaha Yes, people, I am in dire need of moolah since I am a PT.
What's a PT?
Professional Tambay.

Why not look for a job?
Well, I am currently waiting for something great to happen in my life and it wouldn't be until December so sue me. No one would hire me anyway. And if they do, they'd want me to sign a friggin' contract and if I won't be able to finish my contract? I'd have a huge debt to pay. So, mag antus na lang usa ko without dada. Please, buhi-a sah ko ha? Thank you.

At the end of the day, whether I get to see PGT or not, I am still happy. It's refreshing to know that I'm still lucky. hahaha

xoxo,

dee

Friday, September 16, 2011

Live. Love. Laugh. Make Mistakes. Then Regret.

Time and time again I have blogged about regrets. And over and over again, I try not to have them thinking that regrets should not even exist. I used to think that regrets are futile, that they are nothing but a pointless, guilty emotion resulting from stupid, rash decision-making or the lack thereof.

Growing up, I would hear gossips and the opinions of the gossips(it's like watching Extra or the Insider LIVE.) and imagined myself being the subject of one. I did not like it. I still don't.

When I studied Nursing, I did not just go to class for the heck of it. I actually learned to enjoy it. I guess it was because of my drive to understand people emotionally and psychologically--- why they do the things they do. If there's one thing I learned in College, aside from taking care of my patients, it's learning how to deal/interact with people. I learned to control my temper (a little) and I also learned that not everyone who asks 'how you are' cares, sometimes they just want to know things, to have something to talk about while waiting for classes to start or for the duty to end. I also learned to give people the benefit of the doubt. Why? Because I am only human. Like everyone else in this world, I make mistakes. I am not spared. And as my experiences would tell me, I am not capable of making rational decisions all the time. And human as I am, my thoughts, my mind can be overpowered by my emotions. I guess what I'm trying to say is that nobody is perfect. So nobody really has the right to judge people, right? 

Don't get me wrong. I judge people. But not as much as I used to back in high school. In simple words, I evolved. I learned.

I really don't know where I am going with this. But I'll try to keep my mind on the matter at hand. 

I guess regrets are vital to our existence, to our becoming who we are and who we should be. Yes, we make mistakes and considerably, we regret them. But when I hear the word regret, I can not help but question the mind of the person regretting.  Are you insane? Why did you do it in the first place if you knew you were bound to make a mistake? But then I learned that when we feel something deep inside us, I think they call it the heart, and felt that at that moment, we just have to do it even if it's wrong or even if it's right, we just have to do it. The want is accompanied by something almost as great as love. 

Hope.

And Faith.

Hope that everything will work out better in the end.

And Faith that someone greater is guiding us and keep us from harm's way and make things better.

But sometimes things don't work out the way things do in the movies because when we screw up, we screw up. Nothing short of a miracle would take things back to the way they used to be. There's no magic potion, there's no fairy dust, no fairy godmother, no nothing. 

Sometimes, all there is is regret. I used to say that we shouldn't have regrets because mistakes exist so that we can learn from them. But I guess the right thing to say is we should have the right regrets. Mistakes, making them, regretting some of them ang learning from them are parts of life.

I am no expert at life. I am a screw up too. I made a lot of mistakes and I did not allow myself to regret them thinking that making them helped me to be the person I am now. And I am not saying that our mistakes define who we are. I also learned that regrets are important too. Owing up to my mistakes, learning from them and having the right regrets are not easy. And when one day you would find yourself with nothing but mistakes, sometimes you have no choice but to show people that you regret them. Sincerely, of course. People's hearts are soft, and God made them basically good. More often than not, you have to show people that you regret your mistakes in order for them to forgive you. 

Another thing I learned from my 24 years of existence is to think before I act. This ain't foolproof people. But as much as possible I try to think about the possible consequences of my actions, to help me sleep at night. And I am not saying this is easy. My gosh, Life is really hard, huh?

But hey, might as well enjoy it while I still have it. I don't want to overdo life. 

You know.

LIVE. LOVE. LAUGH.

In all moderation.

Am I making any sense? Because I feel a bit dizzy.

xoxo,
dee

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Moving Forward

Before you read any further, I must warn you that this blog post may be confusing to understand and may become nonsensical as you go on reading.

As some of the most important people in my life know, a very memorable event took place a few days ago and with that came a few significant choices. They have been placed in front of me and I had to make decisions right then and there. I was only given a couple of hours to actually think about what I want to say and do in the next few months, possibly years.

Yes or No choice is sometimes the most difficult choice a person could ever make. And sometimes I wish someone could make that for me. But since I was a kid I've fought for my right to make my own decisions and choices so why change the way things are now, right? But I had enough respect for my family that I actually seeked their advice. Months before, my family, specifically, my parents and I have talked about this and what's my say on the matter and theirs. And we have reached a mutual decision. I had to start somewhere. I guess this opportunity is where that somewhere is.

Fast track to now. The choices have been presented and the decisions have been made. It's still a long way to go, a lot of things could happen but I am forever optimistic. I am placing my trust and my life in God's hands. I know that these are our plans but his are greater than ours. One can only hope.

As Eric said: In-sha-Allah.

God-willing.

I know this is crazy but I can see myself in the next few months. I just hope God and I have the same vision. But still, one can only hope. Every night before I go to sleep, when I'm on my bed thanking God, praying, asking for forgiveness and hoping for things to turn out better, I would I ask Him to give me this one thing that I truly want. 

I just hope that He would.

Maybe then, if He would, I could finally move forward.

xoxo,
dee

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

More than Words

There are no words that could ever describe how I felt when I had the "talk" with him. A wave of emotions washed over me for I was beyond happy to be given such a rare opportunity to change the direction of where my life is going at this point in time. Yet a lot of things are to be considered before this could take place but I have accepted them and I am praying to God that He would give me this chance to make things better for me and my family. I have paved the way to make it easier for me to choose this path and being idle for a long time has become a bit of a problem for me. I just had to do something. I have said no to previous opportunities just so I would not be stuck in a dilemma when this time comes. And I am definitely grateful for this. Do I have the right to say that my idleness has finally paid off? Maybe it's still too early to say but the road ahead looks promising and a bit bright.

When they met, I thought she was so lucky. But when we met, I never thought I would be lucky too.

Meeting these people have changed the way I looked at life. Maybe there are really a few good people out there. And I am just so damn lucky to have met a few of them.

I must say that I am excited about this. I just hope that all would go well. And I just hope that I don't have any serious health conditions. Because damn if I do. I just knew I would lose all chances to make my life better. :( But I am staying positive(not disease-positive), I am optimistic, well I'm trying to be and I can not wait for this to take place.

I can not wait for my life to change for the better. :D

xoxo,
dee