Growing up, I would hear gossips and the opinions of the gossips(it's like watching Extra or the Insider LIVE.) and imagined myself being the subject of one. I did not like it. I still don't.
When I studied Nursing, I did not just go to class for the heck of it. I actually learned to enjoy it. I guess it was because of my drive to understand people emotionally and psychologically--- why they do the things they do. If there's one thing I learned in College, aside from taking care of my patients, it's learning how to deal/interact with people. I learned to control my temper (a little) and I also learned that not everyone who asks 'how you are' cares, sometimes they just want to know things, to have something to talk about while waiting for classes to start or for the duty to end. I also learned to give people the benefit of the doubt. Why? Because I am only human. Like everyone else in this world, I make mistakes. I am not spared. And as my experiences would tell me, I am not capable of making rational decisions all the time. And human as I am, my thoughts, my mind can be overpowered by my emotions. I guess what I'm trying to say is that nobody is perfect. So nobody really has the right to judge people, right?
Don't get me wrong. I judge people. But not as much as I used to back in high school. In simple words, I evolved. I learned.
I really don't know where I am going with this. But I'll try to keep my mind on the matter at hand.
I guess regrets are vital to our existence, to our becoming who we are and who we should be. Yes, we make mistakes and considerably, we regret them. But when I hear the word regret, I can not help but question the mind of the person regretting. Are you insane? Why did you do it in the first place if you knew you were bound to make a mistake? But then I learned that when we feel something deep inside us, I think they call it the heart, and felt that at that moment, we just have to do it even if it's wrong or even if it's right, we just have to do it. The want is accompanied by something almost as great as love.
Hope.
And Faith.
Hope that everything will work out better in the end.
And Faith that someone greater is guiding us and keep us from harm's way and make things better.
But sometimes things don't work out the way things do in the movies because when we screw up, we screw up. Nothing short of a miracle would take things back to the way they used to be. There's no magic potion, there's no fairy dust, no fairy godmother, no nothing.
Sometimes, all there is is regret. I used to say that we shouldn't have regrets because mistakes exist so that we can learn from them. But I guess the right thing to say is we should have the right regrets. Mistakes, making them, regretting some of them ang learning from them are parts of life.
I am no expert at life. I am a screw up too. I made a lot of mistakes and I did not allow myself to regret them thinking that making them helped me to be the person I am now. And I am not saying that our mistakes define who we are. I also learned that regrets are important too. Owing up to my mistakes, learning from them and having the right regrets are not easy. And when one day you would find yourself with nothing but mistakes, sometimes you have no choice but to show people that you regret them. Sincerely, of course. People's hearts are soft, and God made them basically good. More often than not, you have to show people that you regret your mistakes in order for them to forgive you.
Another thing I learned from my 24 years of existence is to think before I act. This ain't foolproof people. But as much as possible I try to think about the possible consequences of my actions, to help me sleep at night. And I am not saying this is easy. My gosh, Life is really hard, huh?
But hey, might as well enjoy it while I still have it. I don't want to overdo life.
You know.
LIVE. LOVE. LAUGH.
In all moderation.
Am I making any sense? Because I feel a bit dizzy.
xoxo,
dee
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