I saw the sign...

Words.

I am at loss for words. I can not even begin to describe how I feel right now. I feel so cheated.

My thoughts are all jumbled.

I don't like this feeling very much. The feeling that you feel just when you decided to let it all go, to just leave the feelings behind, and then Voila! Shit Happens and it leaves you with your eyes wide open, mouth hanging and thoughts in disarray.

Irene and I think of ourselves as the Punchline for this never-ending joke that God has been playing on us since, ... Since I don't know when. Just when I thought the joke has ended, turned out, it still hasn't.

This joke would have been funny if it wasn't on me. But it is on me and it cracks me up in an ironic way.

Don't you just love it when you ask God for signs whether to move forward or let go? And then he would go on and show you a myriad of those weird signs we ask? And when you finally see the signs and make your choice, things would happen that would make you think otherwise? If I don't have a healthy mind, I would've gone bonkers by now.

But as they say, "Things happen for a reason." We may not know the reason right away but it's always guaranteed that it'll always be a win-win situation. We may get hurt, get stomped on, rejected and ignored but in the end, these are the things that would make us stronger and wiser.

Maybe I'm not supposed to make decisions right away. Maybe I just have to wait it all out, see where things may lead me. Whether to him or to somebody else.

Maybe love is like riding a rollercoaster. It gets us excited for the ride. And when it's about to start, we'd get crazy nervous and we'd have second thoughts whether to go on or get out. And then the ride would start, it gets even scarier with all the loops and turns and the drops. We laugh when the ride gets smooth. And as the ride goes on, we couldn't wait for it to reach its final turn. We're always in a hurry to reach the end. And then after the ride, when we get off the rollercoaster, we'd ask ourselves, "Is it worth the fear?" "The tears and the shouts?"

Rollercoasters scare the living daylights out of me. For fear that I would get hurt or I would fall. But I still ride them anyway. It gives me the rush that I need once in awhile and riding it makes me happy. It won't keep me wondering how it would feel.

Just like LOVE. I got burned over and over again. I would cry. I would swear never to love again. I would let my heart rest. And when LOVE presents itself to me, I would close my eyes and grab it by the tail.

I will wait for the day that I could love and be loved once again. I don't want to play around. I just want to have that someone whom I can spend the rest of my life with. I'm not asking for anything other than that person. I don't ask for too much. I want and I need someone who is man enough to prove to me that he is worth falling into. I just need one guy, just one guy, to prove to me that love works, not to everybody else, BUT TO ME.

A lot of things could and would happen. Good or Bad. It's up to us how we see the glass, whether it's half-empty or half-full. No matter how things get, I always choose to see it as half-full. Nothing much is going on in my life right now. Maybe God is preparing me for something, or someone greater.

Shit Happens, But life is beautiful.

I saw the sign...

I will wait it out. I will enjoy whatever it is that I have. I will not beat myself up thinking about how he feels. I will wonder. I am wondering. But I have to stop, I will stop eventually. Everything has its end. This, this madness has, too.