So the word's out. I'm preggo. Haha. Yes, it's that funny. Well, I guess it's not really that funny. Ironic, maybe is a better word knowing that I am a nurse and I still managed to get myself knocked up. Oh well. I am not about to give you a play by play of how and why I got pregnant. I supposed we all know how it's done. What's done is done and we all have to answer to the consequences of our actions. Am I right or am I right?
We all know that pregnancies out of wedlock are unplanned. Mine is no different. But I believed right from the start that if I ever get preggers this year, God has other plans for me.
I am still in a state of denial. Don't get me wrong. It's just that I am still in the phase where I'd wake up in the morning and think "ohmygosh! I'm pregnant!"
Yes, this is unplanned. But it doesn't mean I am not happy. I am happy not because I'd be given special treatment in offices, taxi stands, etc. but because I was given this chance to be a mother. Almost everyone gets to be a mom. But I didn't want to be a part of the few who only wished to be one.
Yes, I am unemployed and I don't have a money on my name. That didn't stop me from doing what's right. I know eventually, things will turn out for the better. If not now, later. I have enough patience for that.
I know some people would say that it's sayang since I have plans for Oz, for whatever was in store for me there. I also know that my beliefs are different from other people. Yes, I was scared at first when the first wave of nausea attacked and i was even more frightened when I saw the double lines on the pregnancy test. I cried. And then I wiped my tears away, touch my belly and said, let's pray that everything's going to be alright for everyone. I BBMd Jev a photo of the PT with the caption: Congrats, daddy!
And I went on with the rest of my day.
Oh I was scared. Beyond scared, I was petrified!!! But i know i made the right choice by telling my family and just letting everything fall into place. I know deep in my heart that I made the right decision to keep my baby. If there's anything I should be courageous about, it's fighting for the life of this innocent baby inside me.
So I don't think that my life has gone to waste now that I have to let go of that Aussie dream to have this kid. I don't want to think about the what-ifs because knowing that a few months from now, something so small could make me smile amidst the troubles of this world we're living in.
And some of you may ask: Why didn't you get rid of it?
I didn't because it's the result of what I did, why should I let someone innocent pay for it? Yes the world is cruel but it's also beautiful.
This path I am choosing won't be easy. I know that. But I'm not the only one. I am not alone. I have my family, my friends and Jev. I may have caused them disappointments but this baby is a gift and I welcome him/her with arms wide open.
I am 6 weeks and 4 days now. A couple of days ago, I had my very first prenatal check up and had my transvaginal ultrasound. Seeing that thing on the screen made me tear up. What was more amazing was hearing its strong heart beat. 158bpm. It was beyond wonderful, truly a miracle.
yes, i'm not a hundred percent ready to be pregnant, let alone be a mom. But somehow, I just know that I will be. What are the first trimester and the rest of my pregnancy for, right? And besides, everything in this world is a process. And I am a work in progress.
Good luck to me!!!
xoxo,
dee
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