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I told myself that 2011 would be a year of adventure. I tried to make it one but I guess it was more of a year of letting go, 2011. I really don’t have to reiterate everything that I’ve been through the past year to justify why I said that. I think planning to make a year whatever we want it to be is just that, planning. We really couldn’t force God to do our will, could we? We just have to learn to trust him fully with our lives.

What kind of year would my 2012 be?

I’m almost sure that it would be a little bit of everything: Fun, Adventure, Challenges, Happiness, Fulfillment, and I really do want to make it a year filled with wonderful beginnings. I would love to have a satisfying job and I would move mountains just to relearn what falling in love and being loved felt like.

After being single far longer than I intended myself to be, I guess I am truly ready to actually commit to a relationship that is marriage-serious. Maybe. Okay, Maybe I’m not yet ready to get hitched and get knocked up. I still get goose bumps just thinking about marriage, getting pregnant, and raising a little me. Trust me, I don’t want to raise someone similar or related to me. If ever I do get married, I will pray a thousand Pater Nosters and Ave Marias just so my offspring would not be like me. Why? There are a bajillion reasons why. Hahahaha First would be, I was such a fugly fetus with lobster skin, crooked teeth, perennially present baby fat, and the nastiest temper EVER. I would push cousins off windows, scratched their faces, pinched them until they cried blood and I wouldn’t eat my now-favorite Curly Tops/Flat Tops. I was known for my infamous nickname, Tigre and, of course, my eye rolling.

But I wasn’t that bad. As it turned out, Catholic School for 16-17 years and being exposed to meaner bullies and whatnot in Cebu did me good and tamed me a lot.  Bwahahaha I learned the art of Control. I learned to control my temper and my tongue just a teeny bit.

And yeah, I still can’t afford to have a family of my own. I want my future kids to have more than what my parents provided my brothers and me. How do people raise socially aware, compassionate and kind children and not ambivalent ones like me?

I mean, I am aware about a lot of things, too aware I might add, and I am compassionate and kind. It’s just that, I have bipolar tendencies. Bwahaha I am a walking contradiction.

Anyway, layo na kaau ug naabtan ang ako blog when all I really wanted to say was, I am now accepting suitors. Bwahahaha I kid, I kid.

I just want to express just how much I want 2012 to be my greatest year to date. I want to be able to do what I want to do, what I’ve been holding off and what makes me happy. All I ever want is to make this a big year for me. Career and LOVE life. Bwahaha isingit jud. Hala sige, isingit na ang love life. I am now accepting suitors. BWAHAHAHA Someone once said that Jokes are half-meant. BWAHAHAHA

This year, I am turning 25, a quarter of a century. Yes, I am growing older and wiser, hopefully. And no, I don’t plan to last a hundred years. My health just won’t allow that and I’m pretty sure I’ll be one of those old hags with dementia, as did our elders as I observed. And when my Lolo used to call me Caryl every time I asked him who I was, I really wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry. Just like the McDo commercial. So no, I don’t want to reach a hundred just so my descendants could wipe shit off my ass. It’s not so much as pride; it’s more of trying not to be a burden to them or be hurt over and over again because of rejection. Wow. Advance na kaayo ako thinking. Maybe I should relearn to cross the bridge when I get there.

And here I go again, making a post that runs in circles. Whatever it is that I wanted to say is now forgotten. As I’ve read somewhere, “Everything in this world is just fleeting…”

So is my memory.

XOXO,

DEE