Like most bloggers, my blog is my outlet. Most people use their blogs as a place where they can express their feelings, whatever they may be. Somehow, talking about it makes human beings feel better or it can help gain understanding. Some use it as a scrapbook about their travels, or their favorite things and hobbies. I use it to write about what's on my mind, how and what I feel and everything else.
I have always been open about my thoughts. There 's something about transparency that I like, especially when it comes to people who are close to me. They (people close to me) know that i have negative attitudes and i am also aware that they know I have positive ones. I just hope that they see more goodness in me than badness.
Due to a recent event, I am now having second thoughts about blogging and other forms of expressions. It's not because "nadala" nako but because I am truly hurt by the words said. Never in a million years did I think that a friend would say those words, even in jest. The insults hurt but what hurts more is that it was based on assumptions/presumptions/misconstrued facts. And you know what hurts the most? She was supposed to be my friend.
I am not doing this to make her look bad or to spite her. I am doing this to let my feelings out because not only am I angry but I am also hurt to the point that I feel like exploding. The pain is great, tantamount to being rejected, to being betrayed.
I guess conflicts in friendships are unavoidable, especially if there is lack of communication. I have always believed that every problem can be solved through communication.
As Edward Bulwer-Lytton said, the pen is mightier than the sword. Yes, I have said harsh words to people but I know I don't deserve a rundown of my bad qualities especially from someone who I did not do wrong. I do not deserve those words. You do not have the right to say those things about me. You do not know me, you do not know my family, you do not know what I've been through. I am not completely the same person I was back in high school. So don't you dare judge me based on history or what you see on twitter or Facebook.
A million sorry won't take back the cruel words you've written.You can never take them back. The damage has been done and our friendship is forever tainted by this. Someone once said that we should be thankful for words that were said in anger for they may be true. Or something like that.
I do not know for sure if I could still be in the same room with someone who thinks the worst of me. I am not being melodramatic here but it really hurts a lot. I am so sorry that it has come to this but you do not deserve my friendship. You are right, QUALITY BEATS QUANTITY. I have far more better friends.
To the rest of my friends, thank you for trying to make things better and to those who are just insensitive, I have no words for you just, I guess Voltaire was right.
After all that's been said and done, I guess it's best to go on a hiatus. I am not sure if I'm coming back but I am moving on.
'til I blog again,
dee
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