A plethora of thoughts and feelings

Sort of.

Inhaling the cold Cebuano air.

hmmmm.

It may not be the cleanest as of the moment but it sure does make me feel something I thought I won't feel. 

Christmas Spirit.

We went to Starbucks at Club Ultima and as usual or as long as I could remember, it's almost always packed. Oh how I missed hanging out at cafes. There's something about these places that I love. It makes me feel calm and it brings out another side of me. I love observing other people. Not panghimantay, mind you, but observing, how they do life. Or their habits. It's like watching a reality tv show unfolding. 

Anyway, naa ko'y feeling na wala na sad ni kwenta na post but oh well. Padayon.

Germaine had her first communion yesterday. I don't quite remember mine. Just bits and pieces. I think tapad gihapon mi ni Irene and Jessica ato. I'm not quite sure. Maka-remember ko naa'y isa ka song na naa'y actions then I would hit them intentionally. haha. Lageh, joker na jud ko, sa una pa. haha pero pikon pa ko atoh na time. Mao bitaw gi-anggaan kog Tigre/Tiger sa una sa amo mga silingan. Kaila mog saputon ug temper tantrum? Murag ako gapa-uso ana sa una. haha 

At a young age, I never took it as a joke. I knew and I am aware of the seriousness of this "celebration". I think because I studied in a Catholic school and our teachers pretty much told us every chance they got that we should not take this lightly. And they're right. The communion is sacred and it's something to be respected.

A few weeks back, I could see that she was really excited for her first communion and when the day finally came, I felt like a mother whose child is graduating college. Haha I get so emotional when it comes to things like these: communion, graduation, recitals, etc. Haaay naku, pida jud ning mga Pisces, sobra ka OVER ang emotions. Or basin tungod kay I'm PMS-ing.

I made a video out of the clips I took yesterday. I'm no James Cameron or Steven Spielberg. I'm just a girl trying to make something memorable for the next generation. I think this matters more than any material thing. This lasts longer than any Barbie Doll. haha Or maybe I'm just broke. Boo. It's still uploading on YouTube. 

Anyway, I've been looking at cheap video cameras online because I really want to make videos of anything and everything. It's more fun to edit videos than still photos. Bitaw, nauwat ko. I'm planning to shoot a video with my cousins this weekend. I can't wait! Even Germaine is excited to shoot one. I hope we'd push through with it. 

Internet sucks tonight. Kung hinay na kaayo ang bao mukamang, labaw pa ning internet. Mas hinay pa's snail. Makaliki! I've been trying to upload the video since 5pm. Atleast karon it's 90%. I hope I won't get disconnected. DMD na.

YES! It's processing! Na-feel nako na ni-open ang langit daun naay special lighting na gipatungod nako karon! haha OA jud. Oa na. Maraming Oa na jud. I'll include the link here or the video itself, don't judge. haha SO it's done but it's muted since the songs I used are copyrighted. Boo. Now it's like watching a silent movie minus Charlie Chaplin. 

Kana ganing feeling na ready na tanan imo gamit then wala diay kay kuyog sa outing? KANA. Mao na ako na-feel karon.

good vibes.. good vibes.. good vibes.. 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2.......1!

I'm calm now.
Here is the link of the video. Vimeo, such a lifesaver! 

On the lighter side of things.

More than a couple of months ago, an angel came into our lives. And most of you know her. She's Gabbie and even before she was born, I knew that she would become special to me. I am in love with this girl just like I fell in love with Germaine. Gi-feel jud nako na siya amo own Renesmee, so cute and and smart for her age (in bisaya, DAKUG BUOT.) just like her Ate Germs. We went out to have dinner somewhere fancy and we brought her along. Lisod sad kaayo if amo ra siya ibilin sa balay na siya ra noh? Lisod ra sad kaayo. Haha Joker kaayo ko karon noh? LOL 

She's two months already.

She can carry her head, she smiles and she's learning about the adorable separtion anxiety.

She used to cry everytime we bathe her but now, when she's just sitting pretty in her cute pink seat in her bath tub, she enjoys her bath time na. I also made a video of her and posted it on YouTube. I'm so smitten. Haha I have so much love to give and the recipients of this love are kids. Maybe I should have a lovelife. Accepting applicants now. bwahaha

Let's go back to the Christmas spirit topic. My love life is too complicated because of the lack of love sa life. haha Christmas. Noche Buena. Family Gatherings. Christmas Parties. Gift-giving. Godchildren. Mutago nako. I have like 16 of them. I am unemployed. Now, what am I supposed to give them this Christmas? Pwede utang lang sa? Pwede mubawi next year? Promise. Haha Anyway, I'm pretty sure everyone saw the Coca-Cola video that sent 3 Pinoys home to see there family that they haven't seen in years. I CRIED!  I really did. I easily cry but regardless. Here's the link just click here. This could be me years from now. I am an extrovert but when it comes to future plans, I just keep them to myself because I don't want to count the chicks before the eggs hatch. I can't wait to leave and work and make my family happy, make their lives comfortable. Seeing them happy would make me happy. 

And in light of the Christmas season and feelings.

As December starts and Christmas draws near, I feel a little bit of sadness, a great deal of pain, and a whole year of unexplanable grief and regret. 

Imagine Pasko ko na Sinta ko playing in the background....

Looking back at the things and people I've lost this year.

Looking back at the things I had this time last year.

Looking back at what changed.

Looking at the present and see what has not.

Kung mawawala ka

Sa piling ko, sinta 

Paano ang Paskong 

Alay ko sa 'yo.

Nang Inday. Tiya Carmen. Lolo Odon. Noy Dodz. 

The last three prepared us for the impending loss last year. Death has always been inevitable. I've said this before and I'm saying this again, nobody prepared us for Nang Inday's death. Nine months have passed and somehow, time hasn't healed the wound nor lessened the pain. No matter how I try to put the memories at the very back of my head and to put my feelings aside, pain and grief always find a way to make their presence known, especially this time of the year. Wala ju'y adlaw na dili ko makahuna-huna nila. Sobra ra kasakit ang ila pagkawala bisan pa ug naka-prepare mi. Some might say that this display of loss and pain is too much. Maybe it is. But this is the only way I can express my feelings. Dili ko ganahan makig-storya sa ako family because I don't want to get this heavy emotions out to burden them. After all that we've been through this year, I think it's just fair for us to have at least a happy Christmas. And it all depends on each one of us. 

Now, I am inspired to have a very merry Christmas! I choose to be Happy. :D

xoxo,

dee

P.S.

If you don't understand some of the things I've written, feel free to send me a message and I will translate them for ya. Thanks!