22nd bday-cum-blowout party

A blog made out of anger. An Unworthy piece of paper.

I realized a lot of things while I was spending my morning locked up in my room a day before my birthday.
1. my mother is a real *$%#%!
2. I've known No. 1 since I was a kid. I just didn't know the right term.
3. But no matter what, she's still my mother and I love her.
4. Passing the board exam doesn't give the right to say No. 1 but I'm still saying it anyway.
5. I am really passive-aggressive. this proves that.
6. I know I will regret writing this but I know deep in my heart i will learn a lot of things from this experience.

I also learned a thing or two looking back at my past birthdays.
1. Every year, it's the same situation. Me crying for not getting what I want and surrendering into passive-aggressiveness.
2.And every year, I kept thinking that it's gonna be different (I never learn this!) and as it turned out, it's not.

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Not having what I wanted gave me the chance to realize that what was given to me was what I needed. I know its sounds cliche-ish but it's true. I don't need new clothes but I buy them anyway. i dont' need tons of havaianas but I want them and I'm planning to buy my 9th pair today. I don't need all these material things but I still want them. they're my indulgence. But as far as my indulgences are concerned, i still know the far more important things in life. eventough I still need a little reminding at times.

THOUGHTS

>last night, i attended a Basic Ecclesial Community(BEC) meeting headed by Fr. Intoy. From his talk, I learned that whatever things that happened to us, happened for a reason. I've known that for awhile but last night it struck me. For example, I have the winning lotto number but i didnt made a "taya" for it because I don't do that. Not making a "taya" is a blessing in itself. How? Because if I did win, yes, I will be a multimillionaire but I will also be facing tons of problems. Or, somebody might rob and kill me or kidnap my loved ones.

>Ever since I could remember, that's how I see things. Every single thing happens for a reason. Even death is timely. No matter how young or old, accident or murder or due to disease or d/t old age. When it's time, it's time.

>I also realized that I am happy here. While I was still in college, I used to look for excuses not to go home. Right now, I dont even want to leave. Maybe I just feel this way because I am set to leave next month.
I dont know.

>I love my Manoy Gengen. I want to take care of him. Life has been sort of unkind to him. Partly, it's his choice. He loves me too.

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>My birthday wishes?
-To pass the NLE. check
-To have a good life. check
-Be surrounded by friends and family. check
-happiness all year round. check. uncheck. check.
-among others...

I dont always get what I want but I always get what I need. And that's all I needed to know.